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He
had
lived
(
without
being
aware
of
it
)
on
those
spiritual
truths
that
he
had
sucked
in
with
his
mother
s
milk
,
but
he
had
thought
,
not
merely
without
recognition
of
these
truths
,
but
studiously
ignoring
them
.
Now
it
was
clear
to
him
that
he
could
only
live
by
virtue
of
the
beliefs
in
which
he
had
been
brought
up
What
should
I
have
been
,
and
how
should
I
have
spent
my
life
,
if
I
had
not
had
these
beliefs
,
if
I
had
not
known
that
I
must
live
for
God
and
not
for
my
own
desires
?
I
should
have
robbed
and
lied
and
killed
.
Nothing
of
what
makes
the
chief
happiness
of
my
life
would
have
existed
for
me
.
And
with
the
utmost
stretch
of
imagination
he
could
not
conceive
the
brutal
creature
he
would
have
been
himself
,
if
he
had
not
known
what
he
was
living
for
.
Отключить рекламу
I
looked
for
an
answer
to
my
question
.
And
thought
could
not
give
an
answer
to
my
question
it
is
incommensurable
with
my
question
.
The
answer
has
been
given
me
by
life
itself
,
in
my
knowledge
of
what
is
right
and
what
is
wrong
.
And
that
knowledge
I
did
not
arrive
at
in
any
way
,
it
was
given
to
me
as
to
all
men
,
given
,
because
I
could
not
have
got
it
from
anywhere
.
Where
could
I
have
got
it
?
By
reason
could
I
have
arrived
at
knowing
that
I
must
love
my
neighbor
and
not
oppress
him
?
I
was
told
that
in
my
childhood
,
and
I
believed
it
gladly
,
for
they
told
me
what
was
already
in
my
soul
.
But
who
discovered
it
?
Not
reason
.
Reason
discovered
the
struggle
for
existence
,
and
the
law
that
requires
us
to
oppress
all
who
hinder
the
satisfaction
of
our
desires
.
That
is
the
deduction
of
reason
.
But
loving
one
s
neighbor
reason
could
never
discover
,
because
it
s
irrational
.
And
Levin
remembered
a
scene
he
had
lately
witnessed
between
Dolly
and
her
children
.
The
children
,
left
to
themselves
,
had
begun
cooking
raspberries
over
the
candles
and
squirting
milk
into
each
other
s
mouths
with
a
syringe
.
Their
mother
,
catching
them
at
these
pranks
,
began
reminding
them
in
Levin
s
presence
of
the
trouble
their
mischief
gave
to
the
grown
-
up
people
,
and
that
this
trouble
was
all
for
their
sake
,
and
that
if
they
smashed
the
cups
they
would
have
nothing
to
drink
their
tea
out
of
,
and
that
if
they
wasted
the
milk
,
they
would
have
nothing
to
eat
,
and
die
of
hunger
.
And
Levin
had
been
struck
by
the
passive
,
weary
incredulity
with
which
the
children
heard
what
their
mother
said
to
them
.
They
were
simply
annoyed
that
their
amusing
play
had
been
interrupted
,
and
did
not
believe
a
word
of
what
their
mother
was
saying
.
They
could
not
believe
it
indeed
,
for
they
could
not
take
in
the
immensity
of
all
they
habitually
enjoyed
,
and
so
could
not
conceive
that
what
they
were
destroying
was
the
very
thing
they
lived
by
.
Отключить рекламу
That
all
comes
of
itself
,
they
thought
,
and
there
s
nothing
interesting
or
important
about
it
because
it
has
always
been
so
,
and
always
will
be
so
.
And
it
s
all
always
the
same
.
We
ve
no
need
to
think
about
that
,
it
s
all
ready
.
But
we
want
to
invent
something
of
our
own
,
and
new
.
So
we
thought
of
putting
raspberries
in
a
cup
,
and
cooking
them
over
a
candle
,
and
squirting
milk
straight
into
each
other
s
mouths
.
That
s
fun
,
and
something
new
,
and
not
a
bit
worse
than
drinking
out
of
cups
.
Isn
t
it
just
the
same
that
we
do
,
that
I
did
,
searching
by
the
aid
of
reason
for
the
significance
of
the
forces
of
nature
and
the
meaning
of
the
life
of
man
?
he
thought
.