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He
took
his
hat
off
his
hot
head
and
lay
propped
on
his
elbow
in
the
lush
,
feathery
,
woodland
grass
.
Yes
,
I
must
make
it
clear
to
myself
and
understand
,
he
thought
,
looking
intently
at
the
untrampled
grass
before
him
,
and
following
the
movements
of
a
green
beetle
,
advancing
along
a
blade
of
couch
-
grass
and
lifting
up
in
its
progress
a
leaf
of
goat
-
weed
.
What
have
I
discovered
?
he
asked
himself
,
bending
aside
the
leaf
of
goat
-
weed
out
of
the
beetle
s
way
and
twisting
another
blade
of
grass
above
for
the
beetle
to
cross
over
onto
it
.
What
is
it
makes
me
glad
?
What
have
I
discovered
?
I
have
discovered
nothing
.
I
have
only
found
out
what
I
knew
.
I
understand
the
force
that
in
the
past
gave
me
life
,
and
now
too
gives
me
life
.
I
have
been
set
free
from
falsity
,
I
have
found
the
Master
.
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Of
old
I
used
to
say
that
in
my
body
,
that
in
the
body
of
this
grass
and
of
this
beetle
(
there
,
she
didn
t
care
for
the
grass
,
she
s
opened
her
wings
and
flown
away
)
,
there
was
going
on
a
transformation
of
matter
in
accordance
with
physical
,
chemical
,
and
physiological
laws
.
And
in
all
of
us
,
as
well
as
in
the
aspens
and
the
clouds
and
the
misty
patches
,
there
was
a
process
of
evolution
.
Evolution
from
what
?
into
what
?
Eternal
evolution
and
struggle
.
.
.
.
As
though
there
could
be
any
sort
of
tendency
and
struggle
in
the
eternal
!
And
I
was
astonished
that
in
spite
of
the
utmost
effort
of
thought
along
that
road
I
could
not
discover
the
meaning
of
life
,
the
meaning
of
my
impulses
and
yearnings
.
Now
I
say
that
I
know
the
meaning
of
my
life
:
To
live
for
God
,
for
my
soul
.
And
this
meaning
,
in
spite
of
its
clearness
,
is
mysterious
and
marvelous
.
Such
,
indeed
,
is
the
meaning
of
everything
existing
.
Yes
,
pride
,
he
said
to
himself
,
turning
over
on
his
stomach
and
beginning
to
tie
a
noose
of
blades
of
grass
,
trying
not
to
break
them
.
And
not
merely
pride
of
intellect
,
but
dulness
of
intellect
.
And
most
of
all
,
the
deceitfulness
;
yes
,
the
deceitfulness
of
intellect
.
The
cheating
knavishness
of
intellect
,
that
s
it
,
he
said
to
himself
.
And
he
briefly
went
through
,
mentally
,
the
whole
course
of
his
ideas
during
the
last
two
years
,
the
beginning
of
which
was
the
clear
confronting
of
death
at
the
sight
of
his
dear
brother
hopelessly
ill
.
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Then
,
for
the
first
time
,
grasping
that
for
every
man
,
and
himself
too
,
there
was
nothing
in
store
but
suffering
,
death
,
and
forgetfulness
,
he
had
made
up
his
mind
that
life
was
impossible
like
that
,
and
that
he
must
either
interpret
life
so
that
it
would
not
present
itself
to
him
as
the
evil
jest
of
some
devil
,
or
shoot
himself
.
But
he
had
not
done
either
,
but
had
gone
on
living
,
thinking
,
and
feeling
,
and
had
even
at
that
very
time
married
,
and
had
had
many
joys
and
had
been
happy
,
when
he
was
not
thinking
of
the
meaning
of
his
life
.
What
did
this
mean
?
It
meant
that
he
had
been
living
rightly
,
but
thinking
wrongly
.