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I

tell

you

,

you

Heaven

's

Holy

Baal

,

you

do

n't

exist

;

but

that

,

if

you

did

,

I

would

curse

you

so

that

your

Heaven

would

quiver

with

the

fire

of

hell

!

I

tell

you

,

I

have

offered

you

my

service

,

and

you

repulsed

me

;

and

I

turn

my

back

on

you

for

all

eternity

,

because

you

did

not

know

your

time

of

visitation

!

I

tell

you

that

I

am

about

to

die

,

and

yet

I

mock

you

!

You

Heaven

God

and

Apis

!

with

death

staring

me

in

the

face

--

I

tell

you

,

I

would

rather

be

a

bondsman

in

hell

than

a

freedman

in

your

mansions

!

I

tell

you

,

I

am

filled

with

a

blissful

contempt

for

your

divine

paltriness

;

and

I

choose

the

abyss

of

destruction

for

a

perpetual

resort

,

where

the

devils

Judas

and

Pharaoh

are

cast

down

!

I

tell

you

your

Heaven

is

full

of

the

kingdom

of

the

earth

's

most

crass

-

headed

idiots

and

poverty-stricken

in

spirit

!

I

tell

you

,

you

have

filled

your

Heaven

with

the

grossest

and

most

cherished

harlots

from

here

below

,

who

have

bent

their

knees

piteously

before

you

at

their

hour

of

death

!

I

tell

you

,

you

have

used

force

against

me

,

and

you

know

not

,

you

omniscient

nullity

,

that

I

never

bend

in

opposition

!

I

tell

you

,

all

my

life

,

every

cell

in

my

body

,

every

power

of

my

soul

,

gasps

to

mock

you

--

you

Gracious

Monster

on

High

.

I

tell

you

,

I

would

,

if

I

could

,

breathe

it

into

every

human

soul

,

every

flower

,

every

leaf

,

every

dewdrop

in

the

garden

!

I

tell

you

,

I

would

scoff

you

on

the

day

of

doom

,

and

curse

the

teeth

out

of

my

mouth

for

the

sake

of

your

Deity

's

boundless

miserableness

!

I

tell

you

from

this

hour

I

renounce

all

thy

works

and

all

thy

pomps

!

I

will

execrate

my

thought

if

it

dwell

on

you

again

,

and

tear

out

my

lips

if

they

ever

utter

your

name

!

I

tell

you

,

if

you

exist

,

my

last

word

in

life

or

in

death

--

I

bid

you

farewell

,

for

all

time

and

eternity

--

I

bid

you

farewell

with

heart

and

reins

.

I

bid

you

the

last

irrevocable

farewell

,

and

I

am

silent

,

and

turn

my

back

on

you

and

go

my

way

...

.

Quiet

.

Отключить рекламу

I

tremble

with

excitement

and

exhaustion

,

and

stand

on

the

same

spot

,

still

whispering

oaths

and

abusive

epithets

,

hiccoughing

after

the

violent

crying

fit

,

broken

down

and

apathetic

after

my

frenzied

outburst

of

rage

.

I

stand

there

for

maybe

an

hour

,

hiccough

and

whisper

,

and

hold

on

to

the

door

.

Then

I

hear

voices

--

a

conversation

between

two

men

who

are

coming

down

the

passage

.

I

slink

away

from

the

door

,

drag

myself

along

the

walls

of

the

houses

,

and

come

out

again

into

the

light

streets

.

As

I

jog

along

Young

's

Hill

my

brain

begins

to

work

in

a

most

peculiar

direction

.

It

occurs

to

me

that

the

wretched

hovels

down

at

the

corner

of

the

market

-

place

,

the

stores

for

loose

materials

,

the

old

booths

for

second-hand

clothes

,

are

really

a

disgrace

to

the

place

--

they

spoilt

the

whole

appearance

of

the

market

,

and

were

a

blot

on

the

town

,

Fie

!

away

with

the

rubbish

!

And

I

turned

over

in

my

mind

as

I

walked

on

what

it

would

cost

to

remove

the

Geographical

Survey

down

there

--

that

handsome

building

which

had

always

attracted

me

so

much

each

time

I

passed

it

.

It

would

perhaps

not

be

possible

to

undertake

a

removal

of

that

kind

under

two

or

three

hundred

pounds

.

A

pretty

sum

--

three

hundred

pounds

!

One

must

admit

,

a

tidy

enough

little

sum

for

pocket-money

!

Ha

,

ha

!

just

to

make

a

start

with

,

eh

?

and

I

nodded

my

head

,

and

conceded

that

it

was

a

tidy

enough

bit

of

pocket-money

to

make

a

start

with

.

I

was

still

trembling

over

my

whole

body

,

and

hiccoughed

now

and

then

violently

after

my

cry

.

I

had

a

feeling

that

there

was

not

much

life

left

in

me

--

that

I

was

really

singing

my

last

verse

.

It

was

almost

a

matter

of

indifference

to

me

;

it

did

not

trouble

me

in

the

least

.

On

the

contrary

,

I

wended

my

way

down

town

,

down

to

the

wharf

,

farther

and

farther

away

from

my

room

.

I

would

,

for

that

matter

,

have

willingly

laid

myself

down

flat

in

the

street

to

die

.

My

sufferings

were

rendering

me

more

and

more

callous

.

My

sore

foot

throbbed

violently

;

I

had

a

sensation

as

if

the

pain

was

creeping

up

through

my

whole

leg

.

But

not

even

that

caused

me

any

particular

distress

.

I

had

endured

worse

sensations

.

In

this

manner

,

I

reached

the

railway

wharf

.

There

was

no

traffic

,

no

noise

--

only

here

and

there

a

person

to

be

seen

,

a

labourer

or

sailor

slinking

round

with

their

hands

in

their

pockets

.

I

took

notice

of

a

lame

man

,

who

looked

sharply

at

me

as

we

passed

one

another

.

I

stopped

him

instinctively

,

touched

my

hat

,

and

inquired

if

he

knew

if

the

Nun

had

sailed

.

Someway

,

I

could

n't

help

snapping

my

fingers

right

under

the

man

's

nose

,

and

saying

,

"

Ay

,

by

Jove

,

the

Nun

;

yes

,

the

Nun

!

"

which

I

had

totally

forgotten

.

All

the

same

,

the

thought

of

her

had

been

smouldering

in

me

.

I

had

carried

it

about

unconsciously

.

Yes

,

bless

me

,

the

Nun

had

sailed

.

Отключить рекламу

He

could

n't

tell

me

where

she

had

sailed

to

?

The

man

reflects

,

stands

on

his

long

leg

,

keeps

the

other

up

in

the

air

;

it

dangles

a

little

.

"

No

,

"

he

replies

.

"

Do

you

know

what

cargo

she

was

taking

in

here

?

"

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