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- Джон Фоулз
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It
’
s
difficult
,
though
.
When
I
’
m
being
beastly
to
him
,
he
has
such
a
way
of
looking
sorry
for
himself
that
I
begin
to
hate
myself
.
But
as
soon
as
I
begin
to
be
nice
to
him
,
a
sort
of
self
-
satisfaction
seems
to
creep
into
his
voice
and
his
manner
(
very
discreet
,
he
’
s
been
humility
itself
all
day
,
no
reproach
about
last
night
,
of
course
)
and
I
begin
to
want
to
goad
and
slap
him
again
.
A
tightrope
.
But
it
’
s
cleared
the
air
.
(
Night
.
)
I
tried
to
teach
him
what
to
look
for
in
abstract
art
after
supper
.
It
’
s
hopeless
.
He
has
it
fixed
in
his
poor
dim
noddle
that
art
is
fiddling
away
(
he
can
’
t
understand
why
I
don
’
t
"
rub
out
"
)
until
you
get
an
exact
photographic
likeness
and
that
making
lovely
cool
designs
(
Ben
Nicholson
)
is
vaguely
immoral
.
I
can
see
it
makes
a
nice
pattern
,
he
said
.
But
he
won
’
t
concede
that
"
making
a
nice
pattern
"
is
art
.
With
him
,
it
’
s
that
certain
words
have
terribly
strong
undertones
.
Everything
to
do
with
art
embarrasses
him
(
and
I
suppose
fascinates
him
)
.
It
’
s
all
vaguely
immoral
.
He
knows
great
art
is
great
,
but
"
great
"
means
locked
away
in
museums
and
spoken
about
when
you
want
to
show
off
.
Living
art
,
modern
art
shocks
him
.
You
can
’
t
talk
about
it
with
him
because
the
word
"
art
"
starts
off
a
whole
series
of
shocked
,
guilty
ideas
in
him
.
I
wish
I
knew
if
there
were
many
people
like
him
.
Of
course
I
know
the
vast
majority
—
especially
the
New
People
—
don
’
t
care
a
damn
about
any
of
the
arts
.
But
is
it
because
they
are
like
him
?
Or
because
they
just
couldn
’
t
care
less
?
I
mean
,
does
it
really
bore
them
(
so
that
they
don
’
t
need
it
at
all
in
their
lives
)
or
does
it
secretly
shock
and
dismay
them
,
so
that
they
have
to
pretend
to
be
bored
?
November
23rd
I
’
ve
just
finished
Saturday
Night
and
Sunday
Morning
.
It
’
s
shocked
me
.
It
’
s
shocked
me
in
itself
and
it
’
s
shocked
me
be
-
cause
of
where
I
am
.
It
shocked
me
in
the
same
way
as
Room
at
the
Top
shocked
me
when
I
read
it
last
year
.
I
know
they
’
re
very
clever
,
it
must
be
wonderful
to
be
able
to
write
like
Alan
Sillitoe
.
Real
,
unphoney
.
Saying
what
you
mean
.
If
he
was
a
painter
it
would
be
wonderful
(
he
’
d
be
like
John
Bratby
,
much
better
)
he
’
d
be
able
to
set
Nottingham
down
and
it
would
be
wonderful
in
paint
.
Because
he
painted
so
well
,
put
down
what
he
saw
,
people
would
admire
him
.
But
it
isn
’
t
enough
to
write
well
(
I
mean
choose
the
right
words
and
so
on
)
to
be
a
good
writer
.
Because
I
think
Saturday
Night
and
Sunday
Morning
is
disgusting
.
I
think
Arthur
Seaton
is
disgusting
.
And
I
think
the
most
disgusting
thing
of
all
is
that
Alan
Sillitoe
doesn
’
t
show
that
he
’
s
disgusted
by
his
young
man
.
I
think
they
think
young
men
like
that
are
really
rather
fine
.
I
hated
the
way
Arthur
Seaton
just
doesn
’
t
care
about
anything
outside
his
own
little
life
.
He
’
s
mean
,
narrow
,
selfish
,
brutal
.
Because
he
’
s
cheeky
and
hates
his
work
and
is
successful
with
women
,
he
’
s
supposed
to
be
vital
.
