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She
began
to
breathe
in
a
funny
quick
way
like
she
’
d
just
run
upstairs
,
as
she
said
she
was
stifled
,
and
she
spoke
several
times
—
once
she
said
,
please
don
’
t
,
and
another
I
think
she
said
my
name
but
it
was
all
blurred
—
well
,
I
felt
she
was
asleep
and
after
I
said
her
name
and
she
didn
’
t
answer
,
I
went
out
and
locked
up
and
then
set
the
alarm
for
early
the
next
morning
.
I
thought
she
went
off
to
sleep
so
easy
,
I
wasn
’
t
to
tell
.
I
thought
it
was
for
the
best
,
and
I
thought
the
pills
might
do
the
trick
and
she
would
be
better
the
next
morning
,
with
the
worst
past
.
I
even
felt
it
was
a
good
thing
,
her
being
ill
,
because
if
she
hadn
’
t
there
would
have
been
a
lot
of
trouble
of
the
old
kind
.
What
I
am
trying
to
say
is
that
it
all
came
unexpected
.
I
know
what
I
did
next
day
was
a
mistake
,
but
up
to
that
day
I
thought
I
was
acting
for
the
best
and
within
my
rights
.
October
14th
?
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It
’
s
the
seventh
night
.
I
keep
on
thinking
the
same
things
.
If
only
they
knew
.
If
only
they
knew
.
Share
the
outrage
.
So
now
I
’
m
trying
to
tell
it
to
this
pad
he
bought
me
this
morning
.
His
kindness
.
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Calmly
.
Deep
down
I
get
more
and
more
frightened
.
It
’
s
only
surface
calm
.
No
nastiness
,
no
sex
thing
.
But
his
eyes
are
mad
.
Grey
with
a
grey
lost
light
in
them
.
To
begin
with
I
watched
him
all
the
time
.
I
thought
it
must
be
sex
,
if
I
turned
my
back
I
did
it
where
he
couldn
’
t
spring
at
me
,
and
I
listened
.
I
had
to
know
exactly
where
he
was
in
the
room
.