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61
There
was
only
one
small
bathroom
at
the
top
of
the
stairs
,
which
I
would
have
to
share
with
Charlie
.
I
was
trying
not
to
dwell
too
much
on
that
fact
.
62
One
of
the
best
things
about
Charlie
is
he
doesn
t
hover
.
He
left
me
alone
to
unpack
and
get
settled
,
a
feat
that
would
have
been
altogether
impossible
for
my
mother
.
It
was
nice
to
be
alone
,
not
to
have
to
smile
and
look
pleased
;
a
relief
to
stare
dejectedly
out
the
window
at
the
sheeting
rain
and
let
just
a
few
tears
escape
.
I
wasn
t
in
the
mood
to
go
on
a
real
crying
jag
.
I
would
save
that
for
bedtime
,
when
I
would
have
to
think
about
the
coming
morning
.
63
Forks
High
School
had
a
frightening
total
of
only
three
hundred
and
fifty
-
seven
-
now
fifty
-
eight
-
students
;
there
were
more
than
seven
hundred
people
in
my
junior
class
alone
back
home
.
All
of
the
kids
here
had
grown
up
together
-
their
grandparents
had
been
toddlers
together
.
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64
I
would
be
the
new
girl
from
the
big
city
,
a
curiosity
,
a
freak
.
65
Maybe
,
if
I
looked
like
a
girl
from
Phoenix
should
,
I
could
work
this
to
my
advantage
.
But
physically
,
I
d
never
fit
in
anywhere
.
I
should
be
tan
,
sporty
,
blond
-
a
volleyball
player
,
or
a
cheerleader
,
perhaps
-
all
the
things
that
go
with
living
in
the
valley
of
the
sun
.
66
Instead
,
I
was
ivory
-
skinned
,
without
even
the
excuse
of
blue
eyes
or
red
hair
,
despite
the
constant
sunshine
.
I
had
always
been
slender
,
but
soft
somehow
,
obviously
not
an
athlete
;
I
didn
t
have
the
necessary
hand
-
eye
coordination
to
play
sports
without
humiliating
myself
-
and
harming
both
myself
and
anyone
else
who
stood
too
close
.
67
When
I
finished
putting
my
clothes
in
the
old
pine
dresser
,
I
took
my
bag
of
bathroom
necessities
and
went
to
the
communal
bathroom
to
clean
myself
up
after
the
day
of
travel
.
I
looked
at
my
face
in
the
mirror
as
I
brushed
through
my
tangled
,
damp
hair
.
Maybe
it
was
the
light
,
but
already
I
looked
sallower
,
unhealthy
.
My
skin
could
be
pretty
-
it
was
very
clear
,
almost
translucent
-
looking
-
but
it
all
depended
on
color
.
I
had
no
color
here
.
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68
Facing
my
pallid
reflection
in
the
mirror
,
I
was
forced
to
admit
that
I
was
lying
to
myself
.
It
wasn
t
just
physically
that
I
d
never
fit
in
.
And
if
I
couldn
t
find
a
niche
in
a
school
with
three
thousand
people
,
what
were
my
chances
here
?
69
I
didn
t
relate
well
to
people
my
age
.
Maybe
the
truth
was
that
I
didn
t
relate
well
to
people
,
period
.
Even
my
mother
,
who
I
was
closer
to
than
anyone
else
on
the
planet
,
was
never
in
harmony
with
me
,
never
on
exactly
the
same
page
.
70
Sometimes
I
wondered
if
I
was
seeing
the
same
things
through
my
eyes
that
the
rest
of
the
world
was
seeing
through
theirs
.
Maybe
there
was
a
glitch
in
my
brain
.
But
the
cause
didn
t
matter
.
All
that
mattered
was
the
effect
.
And
tomorrow
would
be
just
the
beginning
.