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"
But
I
'm
too
old
to
believe
in
such
sentimentalities
as
clean
slates
and
starting
all
over
.
I
'm
too
old
to
shoulder
the
burden
of
constant
lies
that
go
with
living
in
polite
disillusionment
.
I
could
n't
live
with
you
and
lie
to
you
and
I
certainly
could
n't
lie
to
myself
.
I
ca
n't
even
lie
to
you
now
.
I
wish
I
could
care
what
you
do
or
where
you
go
,
but
I
ca
n't
.
"
He
drew
a
short
breath
and
said
lightly
but
softly
:
"
My
dear
,
I
do
n't
give
a
damn
.
"
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*
*
*
She
silently
watched
him
go
up
the
stairs
,
feeling
that
she
would
strangle
at
the
pain
in
her
throat
.
With
the
sound
of
his
feet
dying
away
in
the
upper
hall
was
dying
the
last
thing
in
the
world
that
mattered
.
She
knew
now
that
there
was
no
appeal
of
emotion
or
reason
which
would
turn
that
cool
brain
from
its
verdict
.
She
knew
now
that
he
had
meant
every
word
he
said
,
lightly
though
some
of
them
had
been
spoken
.
She
knew
because
she
sensed
in
him
something
strong
,
unyielding
,
implacable
--
all
the
qualities
she
had
looked
for
in
Ashley
and
never
found
.
She
had
never
understood
either
of
the
men
she
had
loved
and
so
she
had
lost
them
both
.
Now
,
she
had
a
fumbling
knowledge
that
,
had
she
ever
understood
Ashley
,
she
would
never
have
loved
him
;
had
she
ever
understood
Rhett
,
she
would
never
have
lost
him
.
She
wondered
forlornly
if
she
had
ever
really
understood
anyone
in
the
world
.
There
was
a
merciful
dullness
in
her
mind
now
,
a
dullness
that
she
knew
from
long
experience
would
soon
give
way
to
sharp
pain
,
even
as
severed
tissues
,
shocked
by
the
surgeon
's
knife
,
have
a
brief
instant
of
insensibility
before
their
agony
begins
.
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"
I
wo
n't
think
of
it
now
,
"
she
thought
grimly
,
summoning
up
her
old
charm
.
"
I
'll
go
crazy
if
I
think
about
losing
him
now
.
I
'll
think
of
it
tomorrow
.
"
"
But
,
"
cried
her
heart
,
casting
aside
the
charm
and
beginning
to
ache
,
"
I
ca
n't
let
him
go
!
There
must
be
some
way
!
"
"
I
wo
n't
think
of
it
now
,
"
she
said
again
,
aloud
,
trying
to
push
her
misery
to
the
back
of
her
mind
,
trying
to
find
some
bulwark
against
the
rising
tide
of
pain
.
"
I
'll
--
why
,
I
'll
go
home
to
Tara
tomorrow
,
"
and
her
spirits
lifted
faintly
.