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Pierre
went
on
with
his
diary
,
and
this
is
what
he
wrote
in
it
during
that
time
:
24th
November
Got
up
at
eight
,
read
the
Scriptures
,
then
went
to
my
duties
.
(
By
Joseph
Alexéevich
's
advice
Pierre
had
entered
the
service
of
the
state
and
served
on
one
of
the
committees
.
)
Returned
home
for
dinner
and
dined
alone
--
the
countess
had
many
visitors
I
do
not
like
.
I
ate
and
drank
moderately
and
after
dinner
copied
out
some
passages
for
the
Brothers
.
In
the
evening
I
went
down
to
the
countess
and
told
a
funny
story
about
B.
,
and
only
remembered
that
I
ought
not
to
have
done
so
when
everybody
laughed
loudly
at
it
.
I
am
going
to
bed
with
a
happy
and
tranquil
mind
.
Great
God
,
help
me
to
walk
in
Thy
paths
,
(
1
)
to
conquer
anger
by
calmness
and
deliberation
,
(
2
)
to
vanquish
lust
by
self-restraint
and
repulsion
,
(
3
)
to
withdraw
from
worldliness
,
but
not
avoid
(
a
)
the
service
of
the
state
,
(
b
)
family
duties
,
(
c
)
relations
with
my
friends
,
and
the
management
of
my
affairs
.
27th
November
I
got
up
late
.
On
waking
I
lay
long
in
bed
yielding
to
sloth
.
O
God
,
help
and
strengthen
me
that
I
may
walk
in
Thy
ways
!
Read
the
Scriptures
,
but
without
proper
feeling
.
Brother
Urúsov
came
and
we
talked
about
worldly
vanities
.
He
told
me
of
the
Emperor
's
new
projects
.
I
began
to
criticize
them
,
but
remembered
my
rules
and
my
benefactor
's
words
--
that
a
true
Freemason
should
be
a
zealous
worker
for
the
state
when
his
aid
is
required
and
a
quiet
onlooker
when
not
called
on
to
assist
.
My
tongue
is
my
enemy
.
Brothers
G.
V.
and
O.
visited
me
and
we
had
a
preliminary
talk
about
the
reception
of
a
new
Brother
.
They
laid
on
me
the
duty
of
Rhetor
.
I
feel
myself
weak
and
unworthy
.
Then
our
talk
turned
to
the
interpretation
of
the
seven
pillars
and
steps
of
the
Temple
,
the
seven
sciences
,
the
seven
virtues
,
the
seven
vices
,
and
the
seven
gifts
of
the
Holy
Spirit
.
Brother
O.
was
very
eloquent
.
In
the
evening
the
admission
took
place
.
The
new
decoration
of
the
Premises
contributed
much
to
the
magnificence
of
the
spectacle
.
It
was
Borís
Drubetskóy
who
was
admitted
.
I
nominated
him
and
was
the
Rhetor
.
A
strange
feeling
agitated
me
all
the
time
I
was
alone
with
him
in
the
dark
chamber
.
I
caught
myself
harboring
a
feeling
of
hatred
toward
him
which
I
vainly
tried
to
overcome
.
That
is
why
I
should
really
like
to
save
him
from
evil
and
lead
him
into
the
path
of
truth
,
but
evil
thoughts
of
him
did
not
leave
me
.
It
seemed
to
me
that
his
object
in
entering
the
Brotherhood
was
merely
to
be
intimate
and
in
favor
with
members
of
our
lodge
.
Apart
from
the
fact
that
he
had
asked
me
several
times
whether
N.
and
S.
were
members
of
our
lodge
(
a
question
to
which
I
could
not
reply
)
and
that
according
to
my
observation
he
is
incapable
of
feeling
respect
for
our
holy
order
and
is
too
preoccupied
and
satisfied
with
the
outer
man
to
desire
spiritual
improvement
,
I
had
no
cause
to
doubt
him
,
but
he
seemed
to
me
insincere
,
and
all
the
time
I
stood
alone
with
him
in
the
dark
temple
it
seemed
to
me
that
he
was
smiling
contemptuously
at
my
words
,
and
I
wished
really
to
stab
his
bare
breast
with
the
sword
I
held
to
it
.
I
could
not
be
eloquent
,
nor
could
I
frankly
mention
my
doubts
to
the
Brothers
and
to
the
Grand
Master
.
Great
Architect
of
Nature
,
help
me
to
find
the
true
path
out
of
the
labyrinth
of
lies
!
After
this
,
three
pages
were
left
blank
in
the
diary
,
and
then
the
following
was
written
:
I
have
had
a
long
and
instructive
talk
alone
with
Brother
V.
,
who
advised
me
to
hold
fast
by
Brother
A.
Though
I
am
unworthy
,
much
was
revealed
to
me
.
Adonai
is
the
name
of
the
creator
of
the
world
.
Elohim
is
the
name
of
the
ruler
of
all
.
The
third
name
is
the
name
unutterable
which
means
the
All
.
Talks
with
Brother
V.
strengthen
,
refresh
,
and
support
me
in
the
path
of
virtue
.
In
his
presence
doubt
has
no
place
.
The
distinction
between
the
poor
teachings
of
mundane
science
and
our
sacred
all-embracing
teaching
is
clear
to
me
.
Human
sciences
dissect
everything
to
comprehend
it
,
and
kill
everything
to
examine
it
.
In
the
holy
science
of
our
order
all
is
one
,
all
is
known
in
its
entirety
and
life
.
The
Trinity
--
the
three
elements
of
matter
--
are
sulphur
,
mercury
,
and
salt
.
Sulphur
is
of
an
oily
and
fiery
nature
;
in
combination
with
salt
by
its
fiery
nature
it
arouses
a
desire
in
the
latter
by
means
of
which
it
attracts
mercury
,
seizes
it
,
holds
it
,
and
in
combination
produces
other
bodies
.
Mercury
is
a
fluid
,
volatile
,
spiritual
essence
.
Christ
,
the
Holy
Spirit
,
Him
!
...
