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"
I
used
to
tell
myself
constantly
that
some
day
I
was
bound
to
succeed
;
and
really
occasionally
when
I
was
in
luck
's
way
,
and
made
a
hit
with
something
,
I
could
get
five
shillings
for
an
afternoon
's
work
.
Once
again
I
raised
myself
from
the
window
,
went
over
to
the
washing
-
stand
,
and
sprinkled
some
water
on
the
shiny
knees
of
my
trousers
to
dull
them
a
little
and
make
them
look
a
trifle
newer
.
Having
done
this
,
I
pocketed
paper
and
pencil
as
usual
and
went
out
.
I
stole
very
quietly
down
the
stairs
in
order
not
to
attract
my
landlady
's
attention
(
a
few
days
had
elapsed
since
my
rent
had
fallen
due
,
and
I
had
no
longer
anything
wherewith
to
raise
it
)
.
It
was
nine
o'clock
.
The
roll
of
vehicles
and
hum
of
voices
filled
the
air
,
a
mighty
morning-choir
mingled
with
the
footsteps
of
the
pedestrians
,
and
the
crack
of
the
hack-drivers
'
whips
.
The
clamorous
traffic
everywhere
exhilarated
me
at
once
,
and
I
began
to
feel
more
and
more
contented
.
Nothing
was
farther
from
my
intention
than
to
merely
take
a
morning
walk
in
the
open
air
.
What
had
the
air
to
do
with
my
lungs
?
I
was
strong
as
a
giant
;
could
stop
a
dray
with
my
shoulders
.
A
sweet
,
unwonted
mood
,
a
feeling
of
lightsome
happy-go-luckiness
took
possession
of
me
.
I
fell
to
observing
the
people
I
met
and
who
passed
me
,
to
reading
the
placards
on
the
wall
,
noted
even
the
impression
of
a
glance
thrown
at
me
from
a
passing
tram-car
,
let
each
bagatelle
,
each
trifling
incident
that
crossed
or
vanished
from
my
path
impress
me
.
If
one
only
had
just
a
little
to
eat
on
such
a
lightsome
day
!
The
sense
of
the
glad
morning
overwhelmed
me
;
my
satisfaction
became
ill-regulated
,
and
for
no
definite
reason
I
began
to
hum
joyfully
.
At
a
butcher
's
stall
a
woman
stood
speculating
on
sausage
for
dinner
.
As
I
passed
her
she
looked
up
at
me
.
She
had
but
one
tooth
in
the
front
of
her
head
.
I
had
become
so
nervous
and
easily
affected
in
the
last
few
days
that
the
woman
's
face
made
a
loathsome
impression
upon
me
.
The
long
yellow
snag
looked
like
a
little
finger
pointing
out
of
her
gum
,
and
her
gaze
was
still
full
of
sausage
as
she
turned
it
upon
me
.
I
immediately
lost
all
appetite
,
and
a
feeling
of
nausea
came
over
me
.
When
I
reached
the
market
-
place
I
went
to
the
fountain
and
drank
a
little
.
I
looked
up
;
the
dial
marked
ten
on
Our
Saviour
's
tower
.
I
went
on
through
the
streets
,
listlessly
,
without
troubling
myself
about
anything
at
all
,
stopped
aimlessly
at
a
corner
,
turned
off
into
a
side
street
without
having
any
errand
there
.
I
simply
let
myself
go
,
wandered
about
in
the
pleasant
morning
,
swinging
myself
care-free
to
and
fro
amongst
other
happy
human
beings
.
This
air
was
clear
and
bright
and
my
mind
too
was
without
a
shadow
.
For
quite
ten
minutes
I
had
had
an
old
lame
man
ahead
of
me
.
He
carried
a
bundle
in
one
hand
and
exerted
his
whole
body
,
using
all
his
strength
in
his
endeavours
to
get
along
speedily
.
I
could
hear
how
he
panted
from
the
exertion
,
and
it
occurred
to
me
that
I
might
offer
to
bear
his
bundle
for
him
,
but
yet
I
made
no
effort
to
overtake
him
.
Up
in
Graendsen
I
met
Hans
Pauli
,
who
nodded
and
hurried
past
me
.
Why
was
he
in
such
a
hurry
?
I
had
not
the
slightest
intention
of
asking
him
for
a
shilling
,
and
,
more
than
that
,
I
intended
at
the
very
first
opportunity
to
return
him
a
blanket
which
I
had
borrowed
from
him
some
weeks
before
.
Just
wait
until
I
could
get
my
foot
on
the
ladder
,
I
would
be
beholden
to
no
man
,
not
even
for
a
blanket
.
Perhaps
even
this
very
day
I
might
commence
an
article
on
the
"
Crimes
of
Futurity
,
"
"
Freedom
of
Will
,
"
or
what
not
,
at
any
rate
,
something
worth
reading
,
something
for
which
I
would
at
least
get
ten
shillings
...
.
And
at
the
thought
of
this
article
I
felt
myself
fired
with
a
desire
to
set
to
work
immediately
and
to
draw
from
the
contents
of
my
overflowing
brain
.
I
would
find
a
suitable
place
to
write
in
the
park
and
not
rest
until
I
had
completed
my
article
.
But
the
old
cripple
was
still
making
the
same
sprawling
movements
ahead
of
me
up
the
street
.
The
sight
of
this
infirm
creature
constantly
in
front
of
me
,
commenced
to
irritate
me
--
his
journey
seemed
endless
;
perhaps
he
had
made
up
his
mind
to
go
to
exactly
the
same
place
as
I
had
,
and
I
must
needs
have
him
before
my
eyes
the
whole
way
.
