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I
put
the
coin
into
the
envelope
again
,
crumple
it
up
,
coin
and
envelope
,
wheel
round
and
go
straight
towards
the
landlady
,
who
is
still
keeping
an
eye
on
me
from
the
doorway
,
and
throw
it
in
her
face
.
I
said
nothing
;
I
uttered
no
syllable
--
only
noticed
that
she
was
examining
the
crumpled
paper
as
I
left
her
...
.
Ha
!
that
is
what
one
might
call
comporting
oneself
with
dignity
.
Not
to
say
a
word
,
not
to
mention
the
contents
,
but
crumple
together
,
with
perfect
calmness
,
a
large
piece
of
money
,
and
fling
it
straight
in
the
face
of
one
's
persecutor
!
One
might
call
that
making
one
's
exit
with
dignity
.
That
was
the
way
to
treat
such
beasts
I.
.
.
.
When
I
got
to
the
corner
of
Tomtegaden
and
the
railway
place
,
the
street
commenced
suddenly
to
swim
around
before
my
eyes
;
it
buzzed
vacantly
in
my
head
,
and
I
staggered
up
against
the
wall
of
a
house
.
I
could
simply
go
no
farther
,
could
n't
even
straighten
myself
from
the
cramped
position
I
was
in
.
As
I
fell
up
against
it
,
so
I
remained
standing
,
and
I
felt
that
I
was
beginning
to
lose
my
senses
.
My
insane
anger
had
augmented
this
attack
of
exhaustion
.
I
lifted
my
foot
,
and
stamped
on
the
pavement
.
I
also
tried
several
other
things
to
try
and
regain
my
strength
:
I
clenched
my
teeth
,
wrinkled
my
brows
,
and
rolled
my
eyes
despairingly
;
it
helped
a
little
.
My
thoughts
grew
more
lucid
.
It
was
clear
to
me
that
I
was
about
to
succumb
.
I
stretched
out
my
hands
,
and
pushed
myself
back
from
the
wall
.
The
street
still
danced
wildly
round
me
.
I
began
to
hiccough
with
rage
,
and
I
wrestled
from
my
very
inmost
soul
with
my
misery
;
made
a
right
gallant
effort
not
to
sink
down
.
It
was
not
my
intention
to
collapse
;
no
,
I
would
die
standing
.
A
dray
rolls
slowly
by
,
and
I
notice
there
are
potatoes
in
it
;
but
out
of
sheer
fury
and
stubbornness
,
I
take
it
into
my
head
to
assert
that
they
are
not
potatoes
,
but
cabbages
,
and
I
swore
frightful
oaths
that
they
were
cabbages
.
Отключить рекламу
I
heard
quite
well
what
I
was
saying
,
and
I
swore
this
lie
wittingly
;
repeating
time
after
time
,
just
to
have
the
vicious
satisfaction
of
perjuring
myself
.
I
got
intoxicated
with
the
thought
of
this
matchless
sin
of
mine
.
I
raised
three
fingers
in
the
air
,
and
swore
,
with
trembling
lips
,
in
the
name
of
the
Father
,
Son
,
and
Holy
Ghost
,
that
they
were
cabbages
.
Time
went
.
I
let
myself
sink
down
on
the
steps
near
me
,
and
dried
the
sweat
from
my
brow
and
throat
,
drew
a
couple
of
long
breaths
,
and
forced
myself
into
calmness
.
The
sun
slid
down
;
it
declined
towards
the
afternoon
.
I
began
once
more
to
brood
over
my
condition
.
My
hunger
was
really
something
disgraceful
,
and
,
in
a
few
hours
more
,
night
would
be
here
again
.
The
question
was
,
to
think
of
a
remedy
while
there
was
yet
time
.
My
thoughts
flew
again
to
the
lodging-house
from
which
I
had
been
hunted
away
.
I
could
on
no
account
return
there
;
but
yet
one
could
not
help
thinking
about
it
.
Properly
speaking
,
the
woman
was
acting
quite
within
her
rights
in
turning
me
out
.
How
could
I
expect
to
get
lodging
with
any
one
when
I
could
not
pay
for
it
?
Besides
,
she
had
occasionally
given
me
a
little
food
;
even
yesterday
evening
,
after
I
had
annoyed
her
,
she
offered
me
some
bread
and
butter
.
She
offered
it
to
me
out
of
sheer
good
nature
,
because
she
knew
I
needed
it
,
so
I
had
no
cause
to
complain
.
I
began
,
even
whilst
I
sat
there
on
the
step
,
to
ask
her
pardon
in
my
own
mind
for
my
behaviour
.
Particularly
,
I
regretted
bitterly
that
I
had
shown
myself
ungrateful
to
her
at
the
last
,
and
thrown
half-a-sovereign
in
her
face
...
.
Half-a-sovereign
!
I
gave
a
whistle
.
The
letter
the
messenger
brought
me
,
where
did
it
come
from
?
It
was
only
this
instant
I
thought
clearly
over
this
,
and
I
divined
at
once
how
the
whole
thing
hung
together
.
I
grew
sick
with
pain
and
shame
.
I
whispered
"
Ylajali
"
a
few
times
,
with
hoarse
voice
,
and
flung
back
my
head
.
Was
it
not
I
who
,
no
later
than
yesterday
,
had
decided
to
pass
her
proudly
by
if
I
met
her
,
to
treat
her
with
the
greatest
indifference
?
Instead
of
that
,
I
had
only
aroused
her
compassion
,
and
coaxed
an
alms
from
her
.
No
,
no
,
no
;
there
would
never
be
an
end
to
my
degradation
!
Not
even
in
her
presence
could
I
maintain
a
decent
position
.
I
sank
,
simply
sank
,
on
all
sides
--
every
way
I
turned
;
sank
to
my
knees
,
sank
to
my
waist
,
dived
under
in
ignominy
,
never
to
rise
again
--
never
!
This
was
the
climax
!
To
accept
half-a-sovereign
in
alms
without
being
able
to
fling
it
back
to
the
secret
donor
;
scramble
for
half-pence
whenever
the
chance
offered
,
and
keep
them
,
use
them
for
lodging
money
,
in
spite
of
one
's
intense
inner
aversion
...
.
Отключить рекламу
Could
I
not
regain
the
half-sovereign
in
some
way
or
another
?
To
go
back
to
the
landlady
and
try
to
get
it
from
her
would
be
of
no
use
.
There
must
be
some
way
,
if
I
were
to
consider
--
if
I
were
only
to
exert
myself
right
well
,
and
consider
it
over
.
It
was
not
,
in
this
case
,
great
God
,
sufficient
to
consider
in
just
an
ordinary
way
!
I
must
consider
so
that
it
penetrated
my
whole
sentient
being
;
consider
and
find
some
way
to
procure
this
half-sovereign
.
And
I
set
to
,
to
consider
the
answer
to
this
problem
.
It
might
be
about
four
o'clock
;
in
a
few
hours
'
time
I
could
perhaps
meet
the
manager
of
the
theatre
;
if
only
I
had
my
drama
completed
.