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561
The
business
was
practically
settled
from
the
moment
I
never
followed
him
.
It
was
a
pitiful
surrender
to
agitation
,
but
my
being
aware
of
this
had
somehow
no
power
to
restore
me
.
I
only
sat
there
on
my
tomb
and
read
into
what
my
little
friend
had
said
to
me
the
fullness
of
its
meaning
;
by
the
time
I
had
grasped
the
whole
of
which
I
had
also
embraced
,
for
absence
,
the
pretext
that
I
was
ashamed
to
offer
my
pupils
and
the
rest
of
the
congregation
such
an
example
of
delay
.
What
I
said
to
myself
above
all
was
that
Miles
had
got
something
out
of
me
and
that
the
proof
of
it
,
for
him
,
would
be
just
this
awkward
collapse
.
He
had
got
out
of
me
that
there
was
something
I
was
much
afraid
of
and
that
he
should
probably
be
able
to
make
use
of
my
fear
to
gain
,
for
his
own
purpose
,
more
freedom
.
My
fear
was
of
having
to
deal
with
the
intolerable
question
of
the
grounds
of
his
dismissal
from
school
,
for
that
was
really
but
the
question
of
the
horrors
gathered
behind
.
That
his
uncle
should
arrive
to
treat
with
me
of
these
things
was
a
solution
that
,
strictly
speaking
,
I
ought
now
to
have
desired
to
bring
on
;
but
I
could
so
little
face
the
ugliness
and
the
pain
of
it
that
I
simply
procrastinated
and
lived
from
hand
to
mouth
.
The
boy
,
to
my
deep
discomposure
,
was
immensely
in
the
right
,
was
in
a
position
to
say
to
me
:
"
Either
you
clear
up
with
my
guardian
the
mystery
of
this
interruption
of
my
studies
,
or
you
cease
to
expect
me
to
lead
with
you
a
life
that
's
so
unnatural
for
a
boy
.
562
"
What
was
so
unnatural
for
the
particular
boy
I
was
concerned
with
was
this
sudden
revelation
of
a
consciousness
and
a
plan
.
563
That
was
what
really
overcame
me
,
what
prevented
my
going
in
.
I
walked
round
the
church
,
hesitating
,
hovering
;
I
reflected
that
I
had
already
,
with
him
,
hurt
myself
beyond
repair
.
Therefore
I
could
patch
up
nothing
,
and
it
was
too
extreme
an
effort
to
squeeze
beside
him
into
the
pew
:
he
would
be
so
much
more
sure
than
ever
to
pass
his
arm
into
mine
and
make
me
sit
there
for
an
hour
in
close
,
silent
contact
with
his
commentary
on
our
talk
.
For
the
first
minute
since
his
arrival
I
wanted
to
get
away
from
him
.
As
I
paused
beneath
the
high
east
window
and
listened
to
the
sounds
of
worship
,
I
was
taken
with
an
impulse
that
might
master
me
,
I
felt
,
completely
should
I
give
it
the
least
encouragement
.
I
might
easily
put
an
end
to
my
predicament
by
getting
away
altogether
.
Here
was
my
chance
;
there
was
no
one
to
stop
me
;
I
could
give
the
whole
thing
up
--
turn
my
back
and
retreat
.
It
was
only
a
question
of
hurrying
again
,
for
a
few
preparations
,
to
the
house
which
the
attendance
at
church
of
so
many
of
the
servants
would
practically
have
left
unoccupied
.
No
one
,
in
short
,
could
blame
me
if
I
should
just
drive
desperately
off
.
What
was
it
to
get
away
if
I
got
away
only
till
dinner
?
That
would
be
in
a
couple
of
hours
,
at
the
end
of
which
--
I
had
the
acute
prevision
--
my
little
pupils
would
play
at
innocent
wonder
about
my
nonappearance
in
their
train
.
Отключить рекламу
564
"
What
did
you
do
,
you
naughty
,
bad
thing
?
Why
in
the
world
,
to
worry
us
so
--
and
take
our
thoughts
off
,
too
,
do
n't
you
know
?
--
did
you
desert
us
at
the
very
door
?
"
I
could
n't
meet
such
questions
nor
,
as
they
asked
them
,
their
false
little
lovely
eyes
;
yet
it
was
all
so
exactly
what
I
should
have
to
meet
that
,
as
the
prospect
grew
sharp
to
me
,
I
at
last
let
myself
go
.
565
I
got
,
so
far
as
the
immediate
moment
was
concerned
,
away
;
I
came
straight
out
of
the
churchyard
and
,
thinking
hard
,
retraced
my
steps
through
the
park
.
It
seemed
to
me
that
by
the
time
I
reached
the
house
I
had
made
up
my
mind
I
would
fly
.
The
Sunday
stillness
both
of
the
approaches
and
of
the
interior
,
in
which
I
met
no
one
,
fairly
excited
me
with
a
sense
of
opportunity
.
Were
I
to
get
off
quickly
,
this
way
,
I
should
get
off
without
a
scene
,
without
a
word
.
My
quickness
would
have
to
be
remarkable
,
however
,
and
the
question
of
a
conveyance
was
the
great
one
to
settle
.
Tormented
,
in
the
hall
,
with
difficulties
and
obstacles
,
I
remember
sinking
down
at
the
foot
of
the
staircase
--
suddenly
collapsing
there
on
the
lowest
step
and
then
,
with
a
revulsion
,
recalling
that
it
was
exactly
where
more
than
a
month
before
,
in
the
darkness
of
night
and
just
so
bowed
with
evil
things
,
I
had
seen
the
specter
of
the
most
horrible
of
women
.
At
this
I
was
able
to
straighten
myself
;
I
went
the
rest
of
the
way
up
;
I
made
,
in
my
bewilderment
,
for
the
schoolroom
,
where
there
were
objects
belonging
to
me
that
I
should
have
to
take
.
But
I
opened
the
door
to
find
again
,
in
a
flash
,
my
eyes
unsealed
.
566
In
the
presence
of
what
I
saw
I
reeled
straight
back
upon
my
resistance
.
567
Seated
at
my
own
table
in
clear
noonday
light
I
saw
a
person
whom
,
without
my
previous
experience
,
I
should
have
taken
at
the
first
blush
for
some
housemaid
who
might
have
stayed
at
home
to
look
after
the
place
and
who
,
availing
herself
of
rare
relief
from
observation
and
of
the
schoolroom
table
and
my
pens
,
ink
,
and
paper
,
had
applied
herself
to
the
considerable
effort
of
a
letter
to
her
sweetheart
.
There
was
an
effort
in
the
way
that
,
while
her
arms
rested
on
the
table
,
her
hands
with
evident
weariness
supported
her
head
;
but
at
the
moment
I
took
this
in
I
had
already
become
aware
that
,
in
spite
of
my
entrance
,
her
attitude
strangely
persisted
.
Then
it
was
--
with
the
very
act
of
its
announcing
itself
--
that
her
identity
flared
up
in
a
change
of
posture
.
She
rose
,
not
as
if
she
had
heard
me
,
but
with
an
indescribable
grand
melancholy
of
indifference
and
detachment
,
and
,
within
a
dozen
feet
of
me
,
stood
there
as
my
vile
predecessor
.
Dishonored
and
tragic
,
she
was
all
before
me
;
but
even
as
I
fixed
and
,
for
memory
,
secured
it
,
the
awful
image
passed
away
.
Dark
as
midnight
in
her
black
dress
,
her
haggard
beauty
and
her
unutterable
woe
,
she
had
looked
at
me
long
enough
to
appear
to
say
that
her
right
to
sit
at
my
table
was
as
good
as
mine
to
sit
at
hers
.
While
these
instants
lasted
,
indeed
,
I
had
the
extraordinary
chill
of
feeling
that
it
was
I
who
was
the
intruder
Отключить рекламу
568
It
was
as
a
wild
protest
against
it
that
,
actually
addressing
her
--
"
You
terrible
,
miserable
woman
!
"
--
I
heard
myself
break
into
a
sound
that
,
by
the
open
door
,
rang
through
the
long
passage
and
the
empty
house
.
She
looked
at
me
as
if
she
heard
me
,
but
I
had
recovered
myself
and
cleared
the
air
.
There
was
nothing
in
the
room
the
next
minute
but
the
sunshine
and
a
sense
that
I
must
stay
.
569
I
had
so
perfectly
expected
that
the
return
of
my
pupils
would
be
marked
by
a
demonstration
that
I
was
freshly
upset
at
having
to
take
into
account
that
they
were
dumb
about
my
absence
.
Instead
of
gaily
denouncing
and
caressing
me
,
they
made
no
allusion
to
my
having
failed
them
,
and
I
was
left
,
for
the
time
,
on
perceiving
that
she
too
said
nothing
,
to
study
Mrs.
Grose
's
odd
face
.
I
did
this
to
such
purpose
that
I
made
sure
they
had
in
some
way
bribed
her
to
silence
;
a
silence
that
,
however
,
I
would
engage
to
break
down
on
the
first
private
opportunity
.
This
opportunity
came
before
tea
:
I
secured
five
minutes
with
her
in
the
housekeeper
's
room
,
where
,
in
the
twilight
,
amid
a
smell
of
lately
baked
bread
,
but
with
the
place
all
swept
and
garnished
,
I
found
her
sitting
in
pained
placidity
before
the
fire
.
So
I
see
her
still
,
so
I
see
her
best
:
facing
the
flame
from
her
straight
chair
in
the
dusky
,
shining
room
,
a
large
clean
image
of
the
"
put
away
"
--
of
drawers
closed
and
locked
and
rest
without
a
remedy
.
570
"
Oh
,
yes
,
they
asked
me
to
say
nothing
;
and
to
please
them
--
so
long
as
they
were
there
--
of
course
I
promised
.
But
what
had
happened
to
you
?
"