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"
Why
,
I
m
almost
complete
,
"
she
thought
.
"
I
m
practically
standing
alone
,
without
him
.
"
And
like
a
happy
child
,
wanting
the
completion
as
soon
as
possible
,
and
knowing
vaguely
that
Dick
had
planned
for
her
to
have
it
,
she
lay
on
her
bed
as
soon
as
she
got
home
and
wrote
Tommy
Barban
in
Nice
a
short
provocative
letter
.
But
that
was
for
the
daytime
toward
evening
with
the
inevitable
diminution
of
nervous
energy
,
her
spirits
flagged
,
and
the
arrows
flew
a
little
in
the
twilight
.
She
was
afraid
of
what
was
in
Dick
s
mind
;
again
she
felt
that
a
plan
underlay
his
current
actions
and
she
was
afraid
of
his
plans
they
worked
well
and
they
had
an
all
-
inclusive
logic
about
them
which
Nicole
was
not
able
to
command
.
She
had
somehow
given
over
the
thinking
to
him
,
and
in
his
absences
her
every
action
seemed
automatically
governed
by
what
he
would
like
,
so
that
now
she
felt
inadequate
to
match
her
intentions
against
his
.
Yet
think
she
must
;
she
knew
at
last
the
number
on
the
dreadful
door
of
fantasy
,
the
threshold
to
the
escape
that
was
no
escape
;
she
knew
that
for
her
the
greatest
sin
now
and
in
the
future
was
to
delude
herself
.
It
had
been
a
long
lesson
but
she
had
learned
it
.
Either
you
think
or
else
others
have
to
think
for
you
and
take
power
from
you
,
pervert
and
discipline
your
natural
tastes
,
civilize
and
sterilize
you
.
Отключить рекламу
They
had
a
tranquil
supper
with
Dick
drinking
much
beer
and
being
cheerful
with
the
children
in
the
dusky
room
.
Afterward
he
played
some
Schubert
songs
and
some
new
jazz
from
America
that
Nicole
hummed
in
her
harsh
,
sweet
contralto
over
his
shoulder
"
Thank
y
father
-
r
Thank
y
mother
-
r
Thanks
for
meetingup
with
one
another
"
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"
I
don
t
like
that
one
,
"
Dick
said
,
starting
to
turn
the
page
.
"
Oh
,
play
it
!
"
she
exclaimed
.
"
Am
I
going
through
the
rest
of
life
flinching
at
the
word
father
?
"
"
Thank
the
horse
that
pulled
the
buggy
that
night
!