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71
When
my
guardian
decided
that
I
must
live
with
him
in
London
and
be
educated
as
modern
girls
were
,
I
tried
to
be
obedient
and
went
to
him
;
but
before
two
months
had
passed
my
wretchedness
had
made
me
so
ill
that
the
doctor
said
I
should
go
into
a
decline
and
die
if
I
were
not
sent
back
to
Muircarrie
.
72
It
s
not
only
the
London
air
that
seems
to
poison
her
,
he
said
when
Jean
talked
to
him
about
me
;
it
is
something
else
.
She
will
not
live
,
that
s
all
.
Sir
Ian
must
send
her
home
.
73
As
I
have
said
before
,
I
had
been
an
unattractive
child
and
I
was
a
plain
,
uninteresting
sort
of
girl
.
I
was
shy
and
could
not
talk
to
people
,
so
of
course
I
bored
them
.
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74
I
knew
I
did
not
look
well
when
I
wore
beautiful
clothes
.
I
was
little
and
unimportant
and
like
a
reed
for
thinness
.
Because
I
was
rich
and
a
sort
of
chieftainess
I
ought
to
have
been
tall
and
rather
stately
,
or
at
least
I
ought
to
have
had
a
bearing
which
would
have
made
it
impossible
for
people
to
quite
overlook
me
.
But
;
any
one
could
overlook
me
an
insignificant
,
thin
girl
who
slipped
in
and
out
of
places
and
sat
and
stared
and
listened
to
other
people
instead
of
saying
things
herself
;
I
liked
to
look
on
and
be
forgotten
.
It
interested
me
to
watch
people
if
they
did
not
notice
me
.
75
Of
course
,
my
relatives
did
not
really
like
me
.
How
could
they
?
They
were
busy
in
their
big
world
and
did
not
know
what
to
do
with
a
girl
who
ought
to
have
been
important
and
was
not
.
I
am
sure
that
in
secret
they
were
relieved
when
I
was
sent
back
to
Muircarrie
.
76
After
that
the
life
I
loved
went
on
quietly
.
I
studied
with
Angus
,
and
made
the
book
-
walled
library
my
own
room
.
I
walked
and
rode
on
the
moor
,
and
I
knew
the
people
who
lived
in
the
cottages
and
farms
on
the
estate
.
I
think
they
liked
me
,
but
I
am
not
sure
,
because
I
was
too
shy
to
seem
very
friendly
.
I
was
more
at
home
with
Feargus
,
the
piper
,
and
with
some
of
the
gardeners
than
I
was
with
any
one
else
.
I
think
I
was
lonely
without
knowing
;
but
I
was
never
unhappy
.
Jean
and
Angus
were
my
nearest
and
dearest
.
Jean
was
of
good
blood
and
a
stanch
gentlewoman
,
quite
sufficiently
educated
to
be
my
companion
as
she
had
been
my
early
governess
.
77
It
was
Jean
who
told
Angus
that
I
was
giving
myself
too
entirely
to
the
study
of
ancient
books
and
the
history
of
centuries
gone
by
.
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78
She
is
living
to
-
day
,
and
she
must
not
pass
through
this
life
without
gathering
anything
from
it
.
79
This
life
,
she
put
it
,
as
if
I
had
passed
through
others
before
,
and
might
pass
through
others
again
.
That
was
always
her
way
of
speaking
,
and
she
seemed
quite
unconscious
of
any
unusualness
in
it
.
80
You
are
a
wise
woman
,
Jean
,
Angus
said
,
looking
long
at
her
grave
face
.
A
wise
woman
.