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I
think
about
the
woman
I
have
become
lately
,
about
the
life
that
I
am
now
living
,
and
about
how
much
I
always
wanted
to
be
this
person
and
live
this
life
,
liberated
from
the
farce
of
pretending
to
be
anyone
other
than
myself
.
I
think
of
everything
I
endured
before
getting
here
and
wonder
if
it
was
me
-
I
mean
,
this
happy
and
balanced
me
,
who
is
now
dozing
on
the
deck
of
this
small
Indonesian
fishing
boat
-
who
pulled
the
other
,
younger
,
more
confused
and
more
struggling
me
forward
during
all
those
hard
years
.
The
younger
me
was
the
acorn
full
of
potential
,
but
it
was
the
older
me
,
the
already
-
existent
oak
,
who
was
saying
the
whole
time
:
"
Yes
-
grow
!
Change
!
Evolve
!
Come
and
meet
me
here
,
where
I
already
exist
in
wholeness
and
maturity
!
I
need
you
to
grow
into
me
!
"
And
maybe
it
was
this
present
and
fully
actualized
me
who
was
hovering
four
years
ago
over
that
young
married
sobbing
girl
on
the
bathroom
floor
,
and
maybe
it
was
this
me
who
whispered
lovingly
into
that
desperate
girl
s
ear
,
"
Go
back
to
bed
,
Liz
"
Knowing
already
that
everything
would
be
OK
,
that
everything
would
eventually
bring
us
together
here
.
Right
here
,
right
to
this
moment
.
Where
I
was
always
waiting
in
peace
and
contentment
,
always
waiting
for
her
to
arrive
and
join
me
.
Then
Felipe
wakes
up
.
We
d
both
been
dozing
in
and
out
of
consciousness
all
afternoon
,
curled
in
each
other
s
arms
on
the
deck
of
this
Indonesian
fisherman
s
sailboat
.
The
ocean
has
been
swaying
us
,
the
sun
shining
.
While
I
lie
there
with
my
head
pillowed
on
his
chest
,
Felipe
tells
me
that
he
had
an
idea
while
he
was
sleeping
.
He
says
,
"
You
know
-
I
obviously
need
to
keep
living
in
Bali
because
my
business
is
here
,
and
because
it
s
so
close
to
Australia
,
where
my
kids
live
.
I
also
need
to
be
in
Brazil
often
,
because
that
s
where
the
gemstones
are
and
because
I
have
family
there
.
And
you
obviously
need
to
be
in
the
United
States
,
because
that
s
where
your
work
is
,
and
that
s
where
your
family
and
friends
are
.
So
I
was
thinking
maybe
we
could
try
to
build
a
life
together
that
s
somehow
divided
between
America
,
Australia
,
Brazil
and
Bali
.
"
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All
I
can
do
is
laugh
,
because
,
hey
-
why
not
?
It
just
might
be
crazy
enough
to
work
.
A
life
like
this
might
strike
some
people
as
absolutely
loony
,
as
sheer
foolishness
,
but
it
resembles
me
so
closely
.
Of
course
this
is
how
we
should
proceed
.
It
feels
so
familiar
already
.
And
I
quite
like
the
poetry
of
his
idea
,
too
,
I
must
say
.
I
mean
that
literally
.
After
this
whole
year
spent
exploring
the
individual
and
intrepid
I
s
,
Felipe
has
just
suggested
to
me
a
whole
new
theory
of
traveling
:
Australia
,
America
,
Bali
,
Brazil
=
A
,
A
,
B
,
B
.
Like
a
classic
poem
,
like
a
pair
of
rhyming
couplets
.
The
little
fishing
boat
anchors
right
off
the
shore
of
Gili
Meno
.
There
are
no
docks
here
on
this
island
.
You
have
to
roll
up
your
pants
,
jump
off
the
boat
and
wade
in
through
the
surf
on
your
own
power
.
There
s
absolutely
no
way
to
do
this
without
getting
soaking
wet
or
even
banged
up
on
the
coral
,
but
it
s
worth
all
the
trouble
because
the
beach
here
is
so
beautiful
,
so
special
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So
me
and
my
lover
,
we
take
off
our
shoes
,
we
pile
our
small
bags
of
belongings
on
the
tops
of
our
heads
and
we
prepare
to
leap
over
the
edge
of
that
boat
together
,
into
the
sea
.
You
know
,
it
s
a
funny
thing
.
The
only
Romance
language
Felipe
doesn
t
happen
to
speak
is
Italian
.
But
I
go
ahead
and
say
it
to
him
anyway
,
just
as
we
re
about
to
jump
.
I
say
:
"
Attraversiamo
.
"