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There
were
other
seats
a
few
yards
away
.
Other
sitters
and
watchers
.
Suddenly
the
whole
peopled
park
seemed
a
stage
,
the
whole
landscape
a
landscape
of
masquers
,
spies
.
I
lit
one
of
my
own
cigarettes
;
willed
her
to
look
at
me
,
but
she
wouldn
’
t
.
She
was
still
punishing
me
;
not
now
with
absence
,
but
with
silence
.
I
had
imagined
this
scene
so
often
;
and
it
was
always
in
essence
a
melting
,
a
running
into
each
other
’
s
arms
.
"
Alison
.
"
She
looked
at
me
briefly
,
but
then
down
again
.
She
sat
,
holding
the
cigarette
.
As
if
nothing
would
make
her
speak
.
A
plane
leaf
lolloped
down
,
touched
her
skirt
.
She
bent
and
picked
it
up
,
smoothed
its
yellow
teeth
against
the
tweed
.
An
Indian
came
and
sat
on
the
far
end
of
the
bench
.
A
threadbare
black
overcoat
,
a
white
scarf
;
a
thin
face
.
He
looked
small
and
unhappy
,
timidly
alien
;
a
waiter
perhaps
,
the
slave
of
some
cheap
curryhouse
kitchen
.
I
moved
a
little
closer
to
her
,
lowered
my
voice
,
and
forced
it
to
sound
as
cold
as
hers
.
"
What
about
Kemp
?
"
"
We
went
to
see
her
.
"
"
We
?
"
"
Yes
.
We
.
"
"
Have
you
seen
them
?
All
of
them
?
"
"
Nicko
,
please
don
’
t
interrogate
me
.
Please
don
’
t
.
"
My
name
;
a
tiny
shift
.
But
she
was
still
set
hard
and
silent
.
"
Are
they
watching
?
Are
they
here
somewhere
?
"
An
impatient
sigh
.
"
Are
they
?
"
"
No
.
"
But
at
once
she
qualified
it
.
"
I
don
’
t
know
.
"
I
said
,
"
Look
at
me
.
Look
at
me
.
"
And
she
couldn
’
t
do
it
.
Face
to
face
she
could
not
lie
to
me
.
She
looked
away
and
said
,
"
It
was
the
one
last
thing
.
One
last
time
.
It
’
s
nothing
.
"
There
was
a
long
pause
.
I
said
,
"
You
can
’
t
lie
to
me
.
Face
to
face
.
"
She
touched
her
hair
;
the
hair
,
her
wrist
,
a
way
she
had
of
raising
her
face
a
little
as
she
made
the
gesture
.
A
glimpse
of
the
lobe
of
an
ear
.
I
had
a
sense
of
outrage
,
as
if
I
was
being
barred
from
my
own
property
.
"
You
’
re
the
only
person
I
’
ve
ever
felt
that
about
.
That
they
could
never
lie
to
me
.
So
can
you
imagine
what
it
was
like
in
the
summer
?
When
I
got
that
letter
,
those
flowers
…
She
said
,
"
If
we
start
talking
about
the
past
.
"
All
my
overtures
were
in
some
way
irrelevant
;
she
had
something
else
on
her
mind
.
My
fingers
touched
a
smooth
dry
roundness
in
my
coatpocket
:
a
chestnut
,
a
talisman
.
Jojo
had
passed
it
to
me
wrapped
in
a
toffeepaper
,
her
pawky
joke
,
one
evening
in
a
cinema
.
I
thought
of
Jojo
,
somewhere
only
a
mile
or
two
away
through
the
brick
and
the
traffic
,
sitting
with
some
new
pick
-
up
,
drifting
into
her
womanhood
;
of
holding
her
pudgy
hand
in
the
darkness
.
And
suddenly
I
had
to
fight
not
to
take
Alison
’
s
.
I
said
,
"
Allie
?
"
But
coming
to
a
decision
,
determined
to
be
untouched
,
she
threw
the
yellow
leaf
away
.
"
I
’
ve
returned
to
London
to
sell
the
flat
.
"
She
looked
briefly
at
me
;
she
wasn
’
t
lying
.
"
I
’
m
going
back
to
Australia
.
"
Terrible
;
we
were
like
total
strangers
.
"
Long
journey
for
such
a
small
matter
.
"
"
And
to
see
you
.
"
"
Like
this
?
"
"
To
see
if
I
…
"
but
she
cut
her
sentence
short
,
as
if
by
some
previous
resolution
.
Or
advice
?
"
If
you
?
"
"
I
didn
’
t
want
to
come
.
They
made
me
.
"
"
Made
you
?
"
I
sounded
unbelieving
.
"
Made
me
feel
I
ought
to
come
.
"
"
Just
to
see
me
.
"
"
Yes
.
"
"
So
you
’
re
here
against
your
will
.
"
"
You
could
call
it
that
.
"
"
And
now
you
’
ve
seen
me
.
"
But
she
would
not
answer
the
implicit
question
.
She
threw
me
one
quick
look
,
a
sudden
flash
of
fierceness
.
But
then
went
back
to
her
silence
.
She
was
mysterious
,
almost
a
new
woman
;
one
had
to
go
back
several
steps
,
and
start
again
;
and
know
the
place
for
the
first
time
.
As
if
what
had
once
been
free
in
her
,
as
accessible
as
a
pot
of
salt
on
a
table
,
was
now
held
in
a
phial
,
sacrosanct
.
But
I
knew
Alison
,
I
knew
how
she
took
on
the
color
and
character
of
the
people
she
loved
or
liked
,
however
independent
she
remained
underneath
.
And
I
knew
where
that
smooth
impermeability
came
from
.
I
was
sitting
with
a
priestess
from
the
temple
of
Demeter
.
I
tried
to
be
matter
-
of
-
fact
.
"
Where
have
you
been
since
Athens
?
At
home
?
"
"
Perhaps
.
"
I
took
a
breath
.
"
Have
you
thought
about
me
at
all
?
"
"
Sometimes
.
"
They
had
told
her
:
Be
like
white
marble
,
be
oblique
.
But
why
?
"
Is
there
someone
else
?
"
She
hesitated
,
then
said
,
"
No
.
"
"
You
don
’
t
sound
very
certain
.
"
"
There
’
s
always
someone
else
—
if
you
’
re
looking
for
it
.
"
"
Have
you
been
…
looking
for
it
?
"
She
said
,
"
There
’
s
no
one
.
"
"
And
I
’
m
included
in
that
’
no
one
’
?
"
"
You
’
ve
been
included
in
it
ever
since
that
…
day
.
"
What
Lily
de
Seitas
had
said
:
she
is
not
a
present
being
given
to
you
;
you
must
convince
her
you
have
the
money
to
pay
for
her
.
I
looked
at
Alison
’
s
sullen
profile
,
that
perverse
stare
into
the
distance
.
She
was
aware
of
my
look
,
and
her
eyes
followed
someone
who
was
passing
,
as
if
she
found
him
more
interesting
than
me
.
I
said
,
"
What
is
it
?
"
"
What
’
s
what
?
"
"
What
am
I
meant
to
do
?
Take
you
in
my
arms
?
Fall
on
my
knees
?
What
do
they
want
?
"
"
I
don
’
t
know
what
you
’
re
talking
about
.
"
"
Oh
yes
you
damn
well
do
.
"
Her
eyes
flicked
sideways
at
me
,
and
she
looked
down
.
She
said
,
"
I
saw
through
you
that
day
.
That
’
s
all
.
For
ever
.
"
There
was
a
long
pause
.
I
said
quietly
,
"
I
made
love
to
you
that
day
.
Also
…
in
a
sense
…
for
ever
.
"
She
shrugged
,
but
a
moment
later
she
half
turned
her
back
and
averted
her
face
,
her
arm
on
the
back
of
the
seat
.
I
spoke
to
the
ground
.
"
There
was
a
moment
on
that
mountain
when
I
loved
you
.
I
don
’
t
think
you
know
,
I
know
you
know
,
I
know
you
saw
it
,
I
know
you
too
well
not
to
be
sure
you
saw
it
.
And
remember
it
.
"
She
said
nothing
.
"
You
’
re
meant
to
answer
.
"
"
Why
should
I
remember
it
?
Why
shouldn
’
t
I
do
everything
I
can
to
forget
it
?
"
"
You
know
the
answer
to
that
,
too
.
"
"
Do
I
?
"
So
cold
,
so
small
,
so
quiet
.
I
said
,
"
Alison
…
"
"
Don
’
t
come
closer
.
Please
don
’
t
come
closer
.
"
She
would
not
look
at
me
.
But
it
was
in
her
voice
.
I
had
a
feeling
of
trembling
too
deep
to
show
;
as
if
the
brain
cells
trembled
.
She
spoke
with
her
head
turned
away
.
"
All
right
,
I
know
what
it
means
.
"
Her
face
still
averted
,
she
took
out
another
cigarette
and
lit
it
.
"
Or
it
meant
.
When
I
loved
you
.
It
meant
everything
you
said
or
did
to
me
had
meaning
.
Emotional
meaning
.
It
moved
me
,
excited
me
.
It
depressed
me
,
it
made
me
…
"
she
took
a
deep
breath
.
"
Like
the
way
after
all
that
’
s
happened
you
can
sit
there
in
that
tea
place
and
look
at
me
as
if
I
’
m
a
prostitute
or
something
and
—
"
I
touched
her
then
,
my
hand
on
her
shoulder
,
but
she
shook
it
off
.
I
had
to
move
closer
,
to
hear
what
she
said
.
"
Whenever
I
’
m
with
you
it
’
s
like
going
to
someone
and
saying
,
torture
me
,
abuse
me
.
Give
me
hell
.
Because
—
"
"
Alison
.
"
"
Oh
you
’
re
nice
now
.
You
’
re
nice
now
.
So
bloody
nice
.
For
a
week
,
for
a
month
.
And
then
we
’
d
start
again
.
"
She
was
not
crying
,
I
leant
forward
and
looked
.
In
some
way
I
knew
she
was
acting
,
and
yet
not
acting
.
Perhaps
she
had
rehearsed
the
saying
this
;
but
still
meant
it
.
And
I
thought
,
supposing
they
wanted
to
precipitate
what
I
began
to
suspect
both
they
and
Alison
wanted
to
precipitate
:
to
bringing
about
in
an
hour
what
might
take
weeks
…
and
I
remembered
that
love
of
paradox
,
and
how
well
they
knew
me
.
To
fuse
,
to
weld
.
And
a
last
lesson
,
a
last
warning
?
A
small
wave
of
anger
burnt
up
in
me
;
but
one
I
knew
I
could
use
.
I
said
,
"
As
you
’
re
going
back
to
Australia
,
I
don
’
t
see
the
point
of
all
this
.
"
I
spoke
lightly
,
without
sarcasm
,
but
she
twisted
a
look
back
at
me
then
;
almost
a
look
of
hate
,
as
it
my
crassness
was
monstrous
.
I
made
the
mistake
of
beginning
to
smile
;
to
call
her
hand
.
Suddenly
she
was
on
her
feet
and
crossing
the
path
.
She
walked
out
under
the
trees
onto
the
grassy
open
space
,
and
stood
with
her
back
to
me
.
Something
about
the
way
she
stood
,
the
direction
she
faced
;
it
nagged
me
.
And
then
in
a
flash
I
knew
for
certain
.
Beyond
her
stretched
the
grass
,
a
quarter
of
a
mile
of
turf
to
the
edge
of
the
park
.
Beyond
that
rose
the
Regency
facade
,
bestatued
,
many
and
elegantly
windowed
,
of
Cumberland
Terrace
.
A
wall
of
windows
.
A
row
of
statues
.
Gods
.
Classical
gods
.
Not
the
Outer
Circle
.
The
dress
circle
.
Polymus
.
But
once
too
often
.
I
looked
at
the
Indian
.
He
too
was
staring
at
Alison
;
then
at
me
.
Even
if
he
had
overheard
he
wouldn
’
t
have
understood
what
we
were
saying
;
and
yet
he
knew
what
had
happened
.
I
could
see
it
in
his
mild
brown
eyes
.
Dark
men
,
pale
men
;
but
only
one
sort
of
woman
.
A
ghost
of
sympathy
passed
between
us
.
I
went
up
behind
her
;
roughly
took
her
arm
.
She
made
no
move
.
The
air
was
as
mellow
as
at
a
harvest
festival
,
the
innocent
park
bred
innocent
people
.
"
Now
listen
.
"
I
stood
there
at
her
shoulder
,
with
my
meanest
expression
.
It
was
not
a
difficult
part
to
play
.
That
bruised
face
,
very
near
tears
,
but
not
in
tears
.
I
thought
,
I
will
get
her
on
a
bed
and
I
will
ram
her
.
I
will
ram
her
and
ram
her
,
the
cat
will
fall
and
fall
,
till
she
is
full
of
me
,
possessed
by
me
.
And
I
thought
,
Christ
help
her
if
she
tries
to
shield
herself
with
the
accursed
wall
of
rubber
.
If
she
tries
to
put
anything
between
my
vengeance
and
her
punishment
.
Christ
help
her
.
"
Now
listen
.
I
know
who
is
watching
us
,
I
know
where
he
is
watching
,
I
know
why
we
are
here
.
So
first
.
I
’
m
nearly
broke
.
I
haven
’
t
got
a
job
,
and
I
’
m
never
going
to
have
a
job
that
means
anything
.
So
remember
that
you
’
re
standing
with
the
worst
prospect
in
London
.
Now
second
.
If
Lily
walked
down
that
path
behind
us
and
beckoned
to
me
,
I
would
follow
.
I
think
I
would
follow
.
The
fact
that
I
don
’
t
know
is
what
I
want
you
to
remember
.
And
while
you
’
re
about
it
,
remember
that
she
isn
’
t
one
girl
,
but
a
type
of
encounter
.
And
the
world
’
s
full
of
that
sort
of
encounter
.
"
I
let
go
of
her
ann
.
"
Third
.
As
you
kindly
told
me
in
Athens
,
I
’
m
not
much
good
in
bed
.
"
"
I
didn
’
t
mean
that
!
"
Her
face
flashed
round
;
I
was
too
unfair
.
I
said
,
"
Keep
looking
at
them
and
keep
your
mouth
shut
.
"
We
both
stared
at
the
blank
upper
windows
of
Cumberland
Terrace
;
those
white
stone
divinities
.
"
Fourth
.
He
said
something
to
me
one
day
.
About
males
and
females
.
How
we
judge
things
as
objects
,
and
you
judge
them
by
their
relationships
.
All
right
.
You
’
ve
always
been
able
to
see
this
…
whatever
it
is
…
between
us
.
Joining
us
.
I
haven
’
t
.
That
’
s
all
I
can
offer
you
.
The
possibility
that
I
’
m
beginning
to
see
it
.
That
’
s
all
.
"
I
could
see
her
face
obliquely
in
profile
;
impossible
to
tell
what
she
was
thinking
.
"
Can
I
speak
?
"
"
No
.
You
now
have
a
choice
.
You
do
as
I
say
.
Or
you
don
’
t
.
This
.
In
a
few
seconds
I
am
going
to
walk
away
from
you
.
You
will
look
after
me
,
then
call
my
name
.
I
shall
stop
,
turn
round
.
You
will
come
up
to
me
.
I
shall
turn
and
start
walking
away
again
.
You
will
come
after
me
again
,
and
catch
my
arm
.
I
shall
shake
myself
free
.
Then
.
Then
I
shall
slap
you
as
hard
as
I
can
over
the
side
of
the
face
.
And
believe
me
,
it
won
’
t
hurt
me
half
as
much
as
it
hurts
you
.
I
shall
walk
towards
the
gate
over
there
on
our
right
.
You
will
stand
for
a
few
moments
,
covering
your
face
with
your
hands
.
Then
you
will
begin
walking
in
the
opposite
direction
to
me
,
over
to
the
north
gate
.
To
our
left
.
It
’
s
about
half
a
mile
away
.
"
I
paused
.
She
swallowed
,
I
knew
she
was
frightened
.
"
When
you
get
there
you
will
take
a
taxi
.
You
will
communicate
with
no
one
.
You
will
take
a
taxi
.
"
I
hesitated
,
losing
impetus
,
then
found
the
right
echo
;
and
the
right
exit
.
"
You
will
take
a
taxi
and
go
straight
to
Paddington
Station
.
The
waiting
room
.
"
I
jerked
the
back
of
her
coat
down
.
"
And
there
you
will
wait
.
If
I
find
out
,
if
I
ever
find
out
that
you
got
in
touch
with
anyone
after
leaving
me
I
shall
…
"
"
You
will
…
?
"
"
You
know
.
You
know
damn
well
what
this
is
.
But
you
don
’
t
say
yes
or
no
.
You
do
yes
or
no
.
I
am
now
going
to
wait
five
seconds
.
Then
I
shall
start
walking
.
"
I
jerked
her
coat
again
.
"
So
get
it
clear
.
You
have
five
seconds
.
In
those
five
seconds
you
are
going
to
choose
,
and
choose
for
ever
,
whose
side
you
are
on
.
"
She
stared
at
the
houses
.
The
afternoon
sun
made
them
gleam
with
light
,
that
light
one
sees
in
summer
clouds
;
a
serene
,
Olympian
elixir
of
solid
light
.
She
said
,
"
I
’
m
going
back
to
Australia
.
"
A
moment
.
The
abysses
and
milestones
.
Her
psychologically
contused
face
,
her
obstinacy
,
her
unmaneuverability
.
There
was
a
smell
of
a
bonfire
.
A
hundred
yards
away
a
blind
man
was
walking
,
freely
,
not
like
a
blind
man
;
only
the
white
stick
showed
he
had
no
eyes
.
I
said
,
"
The
waiting
room
.
"
I
walked
towards
the
southeast
gate
.
Two
steps
,
four
,
six
.
Then
ten
.
"
Nicko
.
"
I
stopped
;
turned
with
a
granite
-
hard
face
.
She
came
towards
me
,
stopped
two
or
three
yards
away
.
She
wasn
’
t
acting
;
she
was
going
back
to
Australia
;
or
to
some
Australia
of
the
mind
,
the
emotions
,
to
live
,
without
me
.
Yet
she
could
not
let
me
go
.
Eleutheria
.
Her
turn
to
know
.
Then
I
went
on
.
Fifteen
,
twenty
yards
.
I
closed
my
eyes
.
Prayed
.
Her
hand
on
my
arm
.
I
turned
again
.
Her
eyes
were
wounded
,
outraged
;
I
was
more
than
ever
impossible
.
But
also
some
delay
she
was
trying
to
make
.
Some
compromise
.
I
snatched
myself
free
,
of
both
hand
and
eyes
.
I
hit
her
before
she
could
speak
.
I
fficked
my
arm
out
,
held
it
the
smallest
fraction
of
a
second
,
then
brought
it
down
sideways
as
hard
as
I
could
;
so
sure
that
she
would
twist
her
head
aside
.
But
in
that
smallest
fraction
of
a
warning
second
she
finally
decided
;
and
decision
was
the
savage
but
unavoided
slap
knocking
her
sideways
.
Even
so
her
hand
flashed
up
instinctively
,
and
her
eyes
blinked
with
shock
.
Pain
.
We
stared
wildly
at
each
other
for
a
moment
.
Not
in
love
.
No
name
,
no
name
,
but
unable
to
wear
masks
.
She
recovered
first
.
Behind
her
I
could
see
people
stopped
on
the
path
.
A
man
stood
up
from
his
seat
.
The
Indian
sat
and
watched
.
Her
hand
was
over
the
side
of
her
face
,
shielding
it
as
well
as
soothing
it
.
Her
eyes
were
wet
,
perhaps
with
the
pain
.
But
she
was
slowly
smiling
.
That
archaic
smile
,
her
variant
of
theirs
,
steadier
,
braver
,
far
less
implacable
,
without
malice
or
arrogance
,
yet
still
that
smile
.
Mocking
love
,
yet
making
it
And
suddenly
the
truth
came
to
me
,
as
we
stood
there
,
trembling
,
searching
,
at
our
point
of
fulcrum
.
There
were
no
watching
eyes
.
The
windows
were
as
blank
as
they
looked
.
The
theatre
was
empty
.
It
was
not
a
theatre
.
They
had
told
her
it
was
a
theatre
,
and
she
had
believed
them
,
and
I
had
believed
her
.
To
bring
us
to
this
—
not
for
themselves
,
but
for
us
.
I
turned
and
looked
at
the
windows
,
the
facade
,
the
pompous
white
pedimental
figures
.
Then
she
buried
her
face
in
her
hands
,
as
if
some
inexorable
mechanism
had
started
.
I
was
so
sure
.
It
was
logical
,
the
characteristic
and
perfect
final
touch
to
the
godgame
.
They
had
absconded
.
I
was
so
sure
,
and
yet
…
after
so
much
,
how
could
I
be
perfectly
sure
?
How
could
they
be
so
cold
?
So
inhuman
?
So
incurious
?
So
load
the
dice
and
yet
leave
the
game
?
And
if
I
wasn
’
t
sure
?
I
gave
her
bowed
head
one
last
stare
,
then
I
was
walking
.
Firmer
than
Orpheus
,
as
firm
as
Alison
herself
,
that
other
day
of
parting
,
not
once
looking
back
.
The
autumn
grass
,
the
autumn
sky
.
People
.
A
blackbird
,
poor
fool
,
singing
out
of
season
from
the
willows
by
the
lake
.
A
flight
of
gray
pigeons
over
the
houses
.
Fragments
of
freedom
,
an
anagram
made
flesh
.
And
somewhere
the
stinging
smell
of
burning
leaves
.
cras
amet
qui
numquam
amavitquique
amavit
eras
amet