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41
That
was
the
day
I
first
gave
myself
the
dream
that
came
true
.
It
began
where
she
was
being
attacked
by
a
man
and
I
ran
up
and
rescued
her
.
Then
somehow
I
was
the
man
that
attacked
her
,
only
I
didn
t
hurt
her
;
I
captured
her
and
drove
her
off
in
the
van
to
a
remote
house
and
there
I
kept
her
captive
in
a
nice
way
.
Gradually
she
came
to
know
me
and
like
me
and
the
dream
grew
into
the
one
about
our
living
in
a
nice
modern
house
,
married
,
with
kids
and
everything
.
42
It
haunted
me
.
It
kept
me
awake
at
nights
,
it
made
me
forget
what
I
was
doing
during
the
day
.
I
stayed
on
and
on
at
the
Cremorne
.
It
stopped
being
a
dream
,
it
began
to
be
what
I
pretended
was
really
going
to
happen
(
of
course
,
I
thought
it
was
only
pretending
)
so
I
thought
of
ways
and
means
all
the
things
I
would
have
to
arrange
and
think
about
and
how
I
d
do
it
and
all
.
43
I
thought
,
I
can
t
ever
get
to
know
her
in
the
ordinary
way
,
but
if
she
s
with
me
,
she
ll
see
my
good
points
,
she
ll
understand
.
There
was
always
the
idea
she
would
understand
.
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44
Another
thing
I
began
to
do
was
read
the
classy
newspapers
,
for
the
same
reason
I
went
to
the
National
Gallery
and
the
Tate
Gallery
.
I
didn
t
enjoy
them
much
,
it
was
like
the
cabinets
of
foreign
species
in
the
Entomology
Room
at
the
Natural
History
Museum
,
you
could
see
they
were
beautiful
but
you
didn
t
know
them
,
I
mean
I
didn
t
know
them
like
I
knew
the
British
.
But
I
went
so
as
I
could
talk
to
her
,
so
I
wouldn
t
seem
ignorant
.
45
In
one
of
the
Sunday
papers
I
saw
an
advert
in
capitals
in
a
page
of
houses
for
sale
.
I
wasn
t
looking
for
them
,
this
just
seemed
to
catch
my
eye
as
I
was
turning
the
page
.
"
FAR
FROM
THE
MADDING
CROWD
?
"
it
said
.
Just
like
that
.
Then
it
went
on
:
46
Old
cottage
,
charming
secluded
situation
,
large
garden
,
1
hr
.
by
car
London
,
two
miles
from
nearest
village
.
.
.
47
and
so
on
.
The
next
morning
I
was
driving
down
to
see
it
.
I
phoned
the
estate
agent
in
Lewes
and
arranged
to
meet
someone
at
the
cottage
.
I
bought
a
map
of
Sussex
.
That
s
the
thing
about
money
.
There
are
no
obstacles
.
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48
I
expected
something
broken
-
down
.
It
looked
old
all
right
,
black
beams
and
white
outside
and
old
stone
tiles
.
It
stood
right
on
its
own
.
The
estate
agent
came
out
when
I
drove
up
.
I
thought
he
would
be
older
,
he
was
my
age
,
but
the
public
schoolboy
type
,
full
of
silly
remarks
that
are
meant
to
be
funny
,
as
if
it
was
below
him
to
sell
anything
and
there
was
some
difference
between
selling
houses
and
something
in
a
shop
.
49
He
put
me
off
straight
away
because
he
was
inquisitive
.
Still
,
I
thought
I
better
look
round
,
having
come
all
that
way
.
The
rooms
were
not
much
,
but
it
was
well
fitted
out
with
all
mod
cons
,
electricity
,
telephone
and
all
.
Some
retired
navy
admiral
or
somebody
had
had
it
and
died
,
and
then
the
next
buyer
died
unexpectedly
as
well
and
so
it
was
on
the
market
.
50
I
still
say
I
didn
t
go
down
there
with
the
intention
of
seeing
whether
there
was
anywhere
to
have
a
secret
guest
.
I
can
t
really
say
what
intention
I
had
.