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"
Ca
n't
do
it
,
Mac
.
Sorry
.
"
He
certainly
was
good
company
.
Terrific
personality
.
We
got
to
the
Edmont
Hotel
,
and
I
checked
in
.
I
'd
put
on
my
red
hunting
cap
when
I
was
in
the
cab
,
just
for
the
hell
of
it
,
but
I
took
it
off
before
I
checked
in
.
I
did
n't
want
to
look
like
a
screwball
or
something
.
Which
is
really
ironic
.
I
did
n't
know
then
that
the
goddam
hotel
was
full
of
perverts
and
morons
.
Screwballs
all
over
the
place
.
They
gave
me
this
very
crumby
room
,
with
nothing
to
look
out
of
the
window
at
except
the
other
side
of
the
hotel
.
I
did
n't
care
much
.
I
was
too
depressed
to
care
whether
I
had
a
good
view
or
not
.
The
bellboy
that
showed
me
to
the
room
was
this
very
old
guy
around
sixty-five
.
He
was
even
more
depressing
than
the
room
was
.
He
was
one
of
those
bald
guys
that
comb
all
their
hair
over
from
the
side
to
cover
up
the
baldness
.
I
'd
rather
be
bald
than
do
that
.
Anyway
,
what
a
gorgeous
job
for
a
guy
around
sixty-five
years
old
.
Carrying
people
's
suitcases
and
waiting
around
for
a
tip
.
I
suppose
he
was
n't
too
intelligent
or
anything
,
but
it
was
terrible
anyway
.
After
he
left
,
I
looked
out
the
window
for
a
while
,
with
my
coat
on
and
all
.
I
did
n't
have
anything
else
to
do
.
You
'd
be
surprised
what
was
going
on
on
the
other
side
of
the
hotel
.
They
did
n't
even
bother
to
pull
their
shades
down
.
I
saw
one
guy
,
a
gray-haired
,
very
distinguished-looking
guy
with
only
his
shorts
on
,
do
something
you
would
n't
believe
me
if
I
told
you
.
First
he
put
his
suitcase
on
the
bed
.
Then
he
took
out
all
these
women
's
clothes
,
and
put
them
on
.
Real
women
's
clothes
--
silk
stockings
,
high-heeled
shoes
,
brassiere
,
and
one
of
those
corsets
with
the
straps
hanging
down
and
all
.
Then
he
put
on
this
very
tight
black
evening
dress
.
I
swear
to
God
.
Then
he
started
walking
up
and
down
the
room
,
taking
these
very
small
steps
,
the
way
a
woman
does
,
and
smoking
a
cigarette
and
looking
at
himself
in
the
mirror
.
He
was
all
alone
,
too
.
Unless
somebody
was
in
the
bathroom
--
I
could
n't
see
that
much
.
Then
,
in
the
window
almost
right
over
his
,
I
saw
a
man
and
a
woman
squirting
water
out
of
their
mouths
at
each
other
.
It
probably
was
highballs
,
not
water
,
but
I
could
n't
see
what
they
had
in
their
glasses
.
Anyway
,
first
he
'd
take
a
swallow
and
squirt
it
all
over
her
,
then
she
did
it
to
him
--
they
took
turns
,
for
God
's
sake
.
You
should
've
seen
them
.
They
were
in
hysterics
the
whole
time
,
like
it
was
the
funniest
thing
that
ever
happened
.
I
'm
not
kidding
,
the
hotel
was
lousy
with
perverts
.
I
was
probably
the
only
normal
bastard
in
the
whole
place
--
and
that
is
n't
saying
much
.
I
damn
near
sent
a
telegram
to
old
Stradlater
telling
him
to
take
the
first
train
to
New
York
.
He
'd
have
been
the
king
of
the
hotel
.
The
trouble
was
,
that
kind
of
junk
is
sort
of
fascinating
to
watch
,
even
if
you
do
n't
want
it
to
be
.
For
instance
,
that
girl
that
was
getting
water
squirted
all
over
her
face
,
she
was
pretty
good-looking
.
I
mean
that
's
my
big
trouble
.
In
my
mind
,
I
'm
probably
the
biggest
sex
maniac
you
ever
saw
.
Sometimes
I
can
think
of
very
crumby
stuff
I
would
n't
mind
doing
if
the
opportunity
came
up
.
I
can
even
see
how
it
might
be
quite
a
lot
of
fun
,
in
a
crumby
way
,
and
if
you
were
both
sort
of
drunk
and
all
,
to
get
a
girl
and
squirt
water
or
something
all
over
each
other
's
face
.
The
thing
is
,
though
,
I
do
n't
like
the
idea
.
It
stinks
,
if
you
analyze
it
.
I
think
if
you
do
n't
really
like
a
girl
,
you
should
n't
horse
around
with
her
at
all
,
and
if
you
do
like
her
,
then
you
're
supposed
to
like
her
face
,
and
if
you
like
her
face
,
you
ought
to
be
careful
about
doing
crumby
stuff
to
it
,
like
squirting
water
all
over
it
.
It
's
really
too
bad
that
so
much
crumby
stuff
is
a
lot
of
fun
sometimes
.
Girls
are
n't
too
much
help
,
either
,
when
you
start
trying
not
to
get
too
crumby
,
when
you
start
trying
not
to
spoil
anything
really
good
.
I
knew
this
one
girl
,
a
couple
of
years
ago
,
that
was
even
crumbier
than
I
was
.
Boy
,
was
she
crumby
!
We
had
a
lot
of
fun
,
though
,
for
a
while
,
in
a
crumby
way
.
Sex
is
something
I
really
do
n't
understand
too
hot
.
You
never
know
where
the
hell
you
are
.
I
keep
making
up
these
sex
rules
for
myself
,
and
then
I
break
them
right
away
.
Last
year
I
made
a
rule
that
I
was
going
to
quit
horsing
around
with
girls
that
,
deep
down
,
gave
me
a
pain
in
the
ass
.
I
broke
it
,
though
,
the
same
week
I
made
it
--
the
same
night
,
as
a
matter
of
fact
.
I
spent
the
whole
night
necking
with
a
terrible
phony
named
Anne
Louise
Sherman
.
Sex
is
something
I
just
do
n't
understand
.
I
swear
to
God
I
do
n't
.
I
started
toying
with
the
idea
,
while
I
kept
standing
there
,
of
giving
old
Jane
a
buzz
--
I
mean
calling
her
long
distance
at
B.
M.
,
where
she
went
,
instead
of
calling
up
her
mother
to
find
out
when
she
was
coming
home
.
You
were
n't
supposed
to
call
students
up
late
at
night
,
but
I
had
it
all
figured
out
.
I
was
going
to
tell
whoever
answered
the
phone
that
I
was
her
uncle
.
I
was
going
to
say
her
aunt
had
just
got
killed
in
a
car
accident
and
I
had
to
speak
to
her
immediately
.
It
would
've
worked
,
too
.
The
only
reason
I
did
n't
do
it
was
because
I
was
n't
in
the
mood
.
If
you
're
not
in
the
mood
,
you
ca
n't
do
that
stuff
right
.
After
a
while
I
sat
down
in
a
chair
and
smoked
a
couple
of
cigarettes
.
I
was
feeling
pretty
horny
.
I
have
to
admit
it
.
Then
,
all
of
a
sudden
,
I
got
this
idea
.
I
took
out
my
wallet
and
started
looking
for
this
address
a
guy
I
met
at
a
party
last
summer
,
that
went
to
Princeton
,
gave
me
.
Finally
I
found
it
.
It
was
all
a
funny
color
from
my
wallet
,
but
you
could
still
read
it
.
It
was
the
address
of
this
girl
that
was
n't
exactly
a
whore
or
anything
but
that
did
n't
mind
doing
it
once
in
a
while
,
this
Princeton
guy
told
me
.
He
brought
her
to
a
dance
at
Princeton
once
,
and
they
nearly
kicked
him
out
for
bringing
her
.
She
used
to
be
a
burlesque
stripper
or
something
.
Anyway
,
I
went
over
to
the
phone
and
gave
her
a
buzz
.
Her
name
was
Faith
Cavendish
,
and
she
lived
at
the
Stanford
Arms
Hotel
on
Sixty-fifth
and
Broadway
.
A
dump
,
no
doubt
.
