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"
Thanks
a
lot
,
"
I
said
.
"
G'by
!
"
The
elevator
was
finally
there
.
I
got
in
and
went
down
.
Boy
,
I
was
shaking
like
a
madman
.
I
was
sweating
,
too
.
When
something
perverty
like
that
happens
,
I
start
sweating
like
a
bastard
.
That
kind
of
stuff
's
happened
to
me
about
twenty
times
since
I
was
a
kid
.
I
ca
n't
stand
it
.
When
I
got
outside
,
it
was
just
getting
light
out
.
It
was
pretty
cold
,
too
,
but
it
felt
good
because
I
was
sweating
so
much
.
I
did
n't
know
where
the
hell
to
go
.
I
did
n't
want
to
go
to
another
hotel
and
spend
all
Phoebe
's
dough
.
So
finally
all
I
did
was
I
walked
over
to
Lexington
and
took
the
subway
down
to
Grand
Central
.
My
bags
were
there
and
all
,
and
I
figured
I
'd
sleep
in
that
crazy
waiting
room
where
all
the
benches
are
.
So
that
's
what
I
did
.
It
was
n't
too
bad
for
a
while
because
there
were
n't
many
people
around
and
I
could
stick
my
feet
up
.
But
I
do
n't
feel
much
like
discussing
it
.
It
was
n't
too
nice
.
Do
n't
ever
try
it
.
I
mean
it
.
It
'll
depress
you
.
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I
only
slept
till
around
nine
o'clock
because
a
million
people
started
coming
in
the
waiting
room
and
I
had
to
take
my
feet
down
.
I
ca
n't
sleep
so
hot
if
I
have
to
keep
my
feet
on
the
floor
.
So
I
sat
up
.
I
still
had
that
headache
.
It
was
even
worse
.
And
I
think
I
was
more
depressed
than
I
ever
was
in
my
whole
life
.
I
did
n't
want
to
,
but
I
started
thinking
about
old
Mr.
Antolini
and
I
wondered
what
he
'd
tell
Mrs.
Antolini
when
she
saw
I
had
n't
slept
there
or
anything
.
That
part
did
n't
worry
me
too
much
,
though
,
because
I
knew
Mr.
Antolini
was
very
smart
and
that
he
could
make
up
something
to
tell
her
.
He
could
tell
her
I
'd
gone
home
or
something
.
That
part
did
n't
worry
me
much
.
But
what
did
worry
me
was
the
part
about
how
I
'd
woke
up
and
found
him
patting
me
on
the
head
and
all
.
I
mean
I
wondered
if
just
maybe
I
was
wrong
about
thinking
be
was
making
a
flitty
pass
at
ne
.
I
wondered
if
maybe
he
just
liked
to
pat
guys
on
the
head
when
they
're
asleep
.
I
mean
how
can
you
tell
about
that
stuff
for
sure
?
You
ca
n't
.
I
even
started
wondering
if
maybe
I
should
've
got
my
bags
and
gone
back
to
his
house
,
the
way
I
'd
said
I
would
.
I
mean
I
started
thinking
that
even
if
he
was
a
flit
he
certainly
'd
been
very
nice
to
me
.
I
thought
how
he
had
n't
minded
it
when
I
'd
called
him
up
so
late
,
and
how
he
'd
told
me
to
come
right
over
if
I
felt
like
it
.
And
how
he
went
to
all
that
trouble
giving
me
that
advice
about
finding
out
the
size
of
your
mind
and
all
,
and
how
he
was
the
only
guy
that
'd
even
gone
near
that
boy
James
Castle
I
told
you
about
when
he
was
dead
.
I
thought
about
all
that
stuff
.
And
the
more
I
thought
about
it
,
the
more
depressed
I
got
.
I
mean
I
started
thinking
maybe
I
should
've
gone
back
to
his
house
.
Maybe
he
was
only
patting
my
head
just
for
the
hell
of
it
.
The
more
I
thought
about
it
,
though
,
the
more
depressed
and
screwed
up
about
it
I
got
.
What
made
it
even
worse
,
my
eyes
were
sore
as
hell
.
They
felt
sore
and
burny
from
not
getting
too
much
sleep
.
Besides
that
,
I
was
getting
sort
of
a
cold
,
and
I
did
n't
even
have
a
goddam
handkerchief
with
me
.
I
had
some
in
my
suitcase
,
but
I
did
n't
feel
like
taking
it
out
of
that
strong
box
and
opening
it
up
right
in
public
and
all
.
There
was
this
magazine
that
somebody
'd
left
on
the
bench
next
to
me
,
so
I
started
reading
it
,
thinking
it
'd
make
me
stop
thinking
about
Mr.
Antolini
and
a
million
other
things
for
at
least
a
little
while
.
But
this
damn
article
I
started
reading
made
me
feel
almost
worse
.
It
was
all
about
hormones
.
It
described
how
you
should
look
,
your
face
and
eyes
and
all
,
if
your
hormones
were
in
good
shape
,
and
I
did
n't
look
that
way
at
all
.
I
looked
exactly
like
the
guy
in
the
article
with
lousy
hormones
.
So
I
started
getting
worried
about
my
hormones
.
Then
I
read
this
other
article
about
how
you
can
tell
if
you
have
cancer
or
not
.
It
said
if
you
had
any
sores
in
your
mouth
that
did
n't
heal
pretty
quickly
,
it
was
a
sign
that
you
probably
had
cancer
.
I
'd
had
this
sore
on
the
inside
of
my
lip
for
about
two
weeks
.
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So
figured
I
was
getting
cancer
.
That
magazine
was
some
little
cheerer
upper
.
I
finally
quit
reading
it
and
went
outside
for
a
walk
.
I
figured
I
'd
be
dead
in
a
couple
of
months
because
I
had
cancer
.
I
really
did
.
I
was
even
positive
I
would
be
.
It
certainly
did
n't
make
me
feel
too
gorgeous
.
It
's
ort
of
looked
like
it
was
going
to
rain
,
but
I
went
for
this
walk
anyway
.
For
one
thing
,
I
figured
I
ought
to
get
some
breakfast
.
I
was
n't
at
all
hungry
,
but
I
figured
I
ought
to
at
least
eat
something
.
I
mean
at
least
get
something
with
some
vitamins
in
it
.
So
I
started
walking
way
over
east
,
where
the
pretty
cheap
restaurants
are
,
because
I
did
n't
want
to
spend
a
lot
of
dough
.
While
I
was
walking
,
I
passed
these
two
guys
that
were
unloading
this
big
Christmas
tree
off
a
truck
.
One
guy
kept
saying
to
the
other
guy
,
"
Hold
the
sonuvabitch
up
!
Hold
it
up
,
for
Chrissake
!
"
It
certainly
was
a
gorgeous
way
to
talk
about
a
Christmas
tree
.
It
was
sort
of
funny
,
though
,
in
an
awful
way
,
and
I
started
to
sort
of
laugh
.
It
was
about
the
worst
thing
I
could
've
done
,
because
the
minute
I
started
to
laugh
I
thought
I
was
going
to
vomit
.
I
really
did
.
I
even
started
to
,
but
it
went
away
.
I
do
n't
know
why
.
I
mean
I
had
n't
eaten
anything
unsanitary
or
like
that
and
usually
I
have
quite
a
strong
stomach
.
Anyway
,
I
got
over
it
,
and
I
figured
I
'd
feel
better
if
I
had
something
to
eat
.
So
I
went
in
this
very
cheap-looking
restaurant
and
had
doughnuts
and
coffee
.
Only
,
I
did
n't
eat
the
doughnuts
.
I
could
n't
swallow
them
too
well
.
The
thing
is
,
if
you
get
very
depressed
about
something
,
it
's
hard
as
hell
to
swallow
.
The
waiter
was
very
nice
,
though
.
He
took
them
back
without
charging
me
.
I
just
drank
the
coffee
.
Then
I
left
and
started
walking
over
toward
Fifth
Avenue
.
It
was
Monday
and
all
,
and
pretty
near
Christmas
,
and
all
the
stores
were
open
.
So
it
was
n't
too
bad
walking
on
Fifth
Avenue
.
It
was
fairly
Christmasy
.