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Then
something
terrible
happened
just
as
I
got
in
the
park
.
I
dropped
old
Phoebe
's
record
.
It
broke-into
about
fifty
pieces
.
It
was
in
a
big
envelope
and
all
,
but
it
broke
anyway
.
I
damn
near
cried
,
it
made
me
feel
so
terrible
,
but
all
I
did
was
,
I
took
the
pieces
out
of
the
envelope
and
put
them
in
my
coat
pocket
.
They
were
n't
any
good
for
anything
,
but
I
did
n't
feel
like
just
throwing
them
away
.
Then
I
went
in
the
park
.
Boy
,
was
it
dark
.
I
've
lived
in
New
York
all
my
life
,
and
I
know
Central
Park
like
the
back
of
my
hand
,
because
I
used
to
roller-skate
there
all
the
time
and
ride
my
bike
when
I
was
a
kid
,
but
I
had
the
most
terrific
trouble
finding
that
lagoon
that
night
.
I
knew
right
where
it
was
--
it
was
right
near
Central
Park
South
and
all
--
but
I
still
could
n't
find
it
.
I
must
've
been
drunker
than
I
thought
.
I
kept
walking
and
walking
,
and
it
kept
getting
darker
and
darker
and
spookier
and
spookier
.
I
did
n't
see
one
person
the
whole
time
I
was
in
the
park
.
I
'm
just
as
glad
.
I
probably
would
've
jumped
about
a
mile
if
I
had
.
Then
,
finally
,
I
found
it
.
What
it
was
,
it
was
partly
frozen
and
partly
not
frozen
.
But
I
did
n't
see
any
ducks
around
.
I
walked
all
around
the
whole
damn
lake
--
I
damn
near
fell
in
once
,
in
fact
--
but
I
did
n't
see
a
single
duck
.
I
thought
maybe
if
there
were
any
around
,
they
might
be
asleep
or
something
near
the
edge
of
the
water
,
near
the
grass
and
all
.
That
's
how
I
nearly
fell
in
.
But
I
could
n't
find
any
.
Finally
I
sat
down
on
this
bench
,
where
it
was
n't
so
goddam
dark
.
Boy
,
I
was
still
shivering
like
a
bastard
,
and
the
back
of
my
hair
,
even
though
I
had
my
hunting
hat
on
,
was
sort
of
full
of
little
hunks
of
ice
.
That
worried
me
.
I
thought
probably
I
'd
get
pneumonia
and
die
.
I
started
picturing
millions
of
jerks
coming
to
my
funeral
and
all
.
My
grandfather
from
Detroit
,
that
keeps
calling
out
the
numbers
of
the
streets
when
you
ride
on
a
goddam
bus
with
him
,
and
my
aunts
--
I
have
about
fifty
aunts
--
and
all
my
lousy
cousins
.
What
a
mob
'd
be
there
.
They
all
came
when
Allie
died
,
the
whole
goddam
stupid
bunch
of
them
.
I
have
this
one
stupid
aunt
with
halitosis
that
kept
saying
how
peaceful
he
looked
lying
there
,
D.
B.
told
me
.
I
was
n't
there
.
I
was
still
in
the
hospital
.
I
had
to
go
to
the
hospital
and
all
after
I
hurt
my
hand
.
Anyway
,
I
kept
worrying
that
I
was
getting
pneumonia
,
with
all
those
hunks
of
ice
in
my
hair
,
and
that
I
was
going
to
die
.
I
felt
sorry
as
hell
for
my
mother
and
father
.
Especially
my
mother
,
because
she
still
is
n't
over
my
brother
Allie
yet
.
I
kept
picturing
her
not
knowing
what
to
do
with
all
my
suits
and
athletic
equipment
and
all
.
The
only
good
thing
,
I
knew
she
would
n't
let
old
Phoebe
come
to
my
goddam
funeral
because
she
was
only
a
little
kid
.
That
was
the
only
good
part
.
Then
I
thought
about
the
whole
bunch
of
them
sticking
me
in
a
goddam
cemetery
and
all
,
with
my
name
on
this
tombstone
and
all
.
Surrounded
by
dead
guys
.
Boy
,
when
you
're
dead
,
they
really
fix
you
up
.
I
hope
to
hell
when
I
do
die
somebody
has
sense
enough
to
just
dump
me
in
the
river
or
something
.
Anything
except
sticking
me
in
a
goddam
cemetery
.
People
coming
and
putting
a
bunch
of
flowers
on
your
stomach
on
Sunday
,
and
all
that
crap
.
Who
wants
flowers
when
you
're
dead
?
Nobody
.
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When
the
weather
's
nice
,
my
parents
go
out
quite
frequently
and
stick
a
bunch
of
flowers
on
old
Allie
's
grave
.
I
went
with
them
a
couple
of
times
,
but
I
cut
it
out
.
In
the
first
place
,
I
certainly
do
n't
enjoy
seeing
him
in
that
crazy
cemetery
.
Surrounded
by
dead
guys
and
tombstones
and
all
.
It
was
n't
too
bad
when
the
sun
was
out
,
but
twice
--
twice
--
we
were
there
when
it
started
to
rain
.
It
was
awful
.
It
rained
on
his
lousy
tombstone
,
and
it
rained
on
the
grass
on
his
stomach
.
It
rained
all
over
the
place
.
All
the
visitors
that
were
visiting
the
cemetery
started
running
like
hell
over
to
their
cars
.
That
's
what
nearly
drove
me
crazy
.
All
the
visitors
could
get
in
their
cars
and
turn
on
their
radios
and
all
and
then
go
someplace
nice
for
dinner
--
everybody
except
Allie
.
I
could
n't
stand
it
.
I
know
it
's
only
his
body
and
all
that
's
in
the
cemetery
,
and
his
soul
's
in
Heaven
and
all
that
crap
,
but
I
could
n't
stand
it
anyway
.
I
just
wish
he
was
n't
there
.
You
did
n't
know
him
.
If
you
'd
known
him
,
you
'd
know
what
I
mean
.
It
's
not
too
bad
when
the
sun
's
out
,
but
the
sun
only
comes
out
when
it
feels
like
coming
out
.
After
a
while
,
just
to
get
my
mind
off
getting
pneumonia
and
all
,
I
took
out
my
dough
and
tried
to
count
it
in
the
lousy
light
from
the
street
lamp
.
All
I
had
was
three
singles
and
five
quarters
and
a
nickel
left
--
boy
,
I
spent
a
fortune
since
I
left
Pencey
.
Then
what
I
did
,
I
went
down
near
the
lagoon
and
I
sort
of
skipped
the
quarters
and
the
nickel
across
it
,
where
it
was
n't
frozen
.
I
do
n't
know
why
I
did
it
,
but
I
did
it
.
I
guess
I
thought
it
'd
take
my
mind
off
getting
pneumonia
and
dying
.
It
did
n't
,
though
.
I
started
thinking
how
old
Phoebe
would
feel
if
I
got
pneumonia
and
died
.
It
was
a
childish
way
to
think
,
but
I
could
n't
stop
myself
.
She
'd
feel
pretty
bad
if
something
like
that
happened
.
She
likes
me
a
lot
.
I
mean
she
's
quite
fond
of
me
.
She
really
is
.
Anyway
,
I
could
n't
get
that
off
my
mind
,
so
finally
what
I
figured
I
'd
do
,
I
figured
I
'd
better
sneak
home
and
see
her
,
in
case
I
died
and
all
.
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I
had
my
door
key
with
me
and
all
,
and
I
figured
what
I
'd
do
,
I
'd
sneak
in
the
apartment
,
very
quiet
and
all
,
and
just
sort
of
chew
the
fat
with
her
for
a
while
.
The
only
thing
that
worried
me
was
our
front
door
.
It
creaks
like
a
bastard
.
It
's
a
pretty
old
apartment
house
,
and
the
superintendent
's
a
lazy
bastard
,
and
everything
creaks
and
squeaks
.
I
was
afraid
my
parents
might
hear
me
sneaking
in
.
But
I
decided
I
'd
try
it
anyhow
.
So
I
got
the
hell
out
of
the
park
,
and
went
home
.
I
walked
all
the
way
.
It
was
n't
too
far
,
and
I
was
n't
tired
or
even
drunk
any
more
.
It
was
just
very
cold
and
nobody
around
anywhere
.
The
best
break
I
had
in
years
,
when
I
got
home
the
regular
night
elevator
boy
,
Pete
,
was
n't
on
the
car
.
Some
new
guy
I
'd
never
seen
was
on
the
car
,
so
I
figured
that
if
I
did
n't
bump
smack
into
my
parents
and
all
I
'd
be
able
to
say
hello
to
old
Phoebe
and
then
beat
it
and
nobody
'd
even
know
I
'd
been
around
.
It
was
really
a
terrific
break
.
What
made
it
even
better
,
the
new
elevator
boy
was
sort
of
on
the
stupid
side
.
I
told
him
,
in
this
very
casual
voice
,
to
take
me
up
to
the
Dicksteins
'
.
The
Dicksteins
were
these
people
that
had
the
other
apartment
on
our
floor
.
I
'd
already
taken
off
my
hunting
hat
,
so
as
not
to
look
suspicious
or
anything
.
I
went
in
the
elevator
like
I
was
in
a
terrific
hurry
.