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He

looked

confused

for

a

moment

and

then

laughed

.

"

Of

course

,

Charlie

.

But

I

wasn

’

t

referring

to

now

.

I

meant

before

the

operation

.

"

Smug

,

pompous

—

I

felt

like

hitting

him

too

.

"

I

was

a

person

before

the

operation

.

In

case

you

forgot

—

"

"

Yes

,

of

course

,

Charlie

.

Don

’

t

misunderstand

.

But

it

was

different

.

.

.

"

And

then

he

remembered

that

he

had

to

check

some

charts

in

the

lab

.

Отключить рекламу

Dr

.

Strauss

doesn

’

t

talk

much

during

our

psychother

apy

sessions

,

but

today

when

I

brought

it

up

,

he

said

that

I

was

morally

obligated

to

tell

Mr

.

Donner

.

But

the

more

I

thought

about

it

the

less

simple

it

became

.

I

had

to

have

someone

else

to

break

the

tie

,

and

the

only

one

I

could

drink

of

was

Alice

.

Finally

,

at

ten

thirty

I

couldn

’

t

hold

out

any

longer

.

I

dialed

three

times

,

broke

off

in

the

middle

each

time

,

but

on

the

fourth

try

,

I

managed

to

hold

on

until

her

voice

.

At

first

she

didn

’

t

think

she

should

see

me

,

but

I

begged

her

to

meet

me

at

the

cafeteria

where

we

had

din

ner

together

.

"

I

respect

you

—

you

’

ve

always

given

me

good

advice

.

"

And

when

she

still

wavered

,

I

insisted

.

"

You

have

to

help

me

.

You

’

re

partly

responsible

.

You

said

so

yourself

.

If

not

for

you

I

would

never

have

gone

into

this

in

the

first

place

.

You

just

can

’

t

shrug

me

off

now

.

"

She

must

have

sensed

the

urgency

because

she

agreed

to

meet

me

.

I

hung

up

and

stared

at

the

phone

.

Why

was

it

so

important

for

me

to

know

what

she

thought

,

how

she

felt

?

For

more

than

a

year

at

the

Adult

Center

the

only

thing

that

mattered

was

pleasing

her

.

Was

that

why

I

had

agreed

to

the

operation

in

the

first

place

?

Отключить рекламу

I

paced

up

and

back

in

front

of

the

cafeteria

until

the

policeman

began

to

eye

me

suspiciously

.

Then

I

went

in

and

bought

coffee

.

Fortunately

,

the

table

we

had

used

last

time

was

empty

.

She

would

think

of

looking

for

me

back

there

.

She

saw

me

and

waved

to

me

,

but

stopped

at

the

counter

for

coffee

before

she

came

over

to

the

table

.

She

smiled

and

I

knew

it

was

because

I

had

chosen

the

same

table

.

A

foolish

,

romantic

gesture

.

"

I

know

it

’

s

late

,

"

I

apologized

,

"

but

I

swear

I

was

going

out

of

my

mind

.

I

had

to

talk

to

you

.

"

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