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For
one
moment
I
had
the
cold
feeling
he
was
watch
­
ing
.
Over
the
arm
of
the
couch
,
I
caught
a
glimpse
of
his
face
staring
back
at
me
through
the
dark
beyond
the
window
where
just
a
few
minutes
earlier
I
had
been
crouching
.
A
switch
in
perception
,
and
I
was
out
on
the
fire
escape
again
,
watching
a
man
and
a
woman
inside
,
making
love
on
the
couch
.
Then
,
with
a
violent
effort
of
the
will
,
I
was
back
on
the
couch
with
her
,
aware
of
her
body
and
my
own
ur
­
gency
and
potency
,
and
I
saw
the
face
against
the
win
­
dow
,
hungrily
watching
.
And
I
thought
to
myself
,
go
ahead
,
you
poor
bastard
watch
.
I
don
t
give
a
damn
any
more
.
And
his
eyes
went
wide
as
he
watched
.
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June
29
Before
I
go
back
to
the
lab
I
m
going
to
finish
the
projects
I
ve
started
since
I
left
the
convention
.
I
phoned
Landsdoff
at
the
New
Institute
for
Advanced
Study
,
about
the
possibility
of
utilizing
the
pair
-
production
nuclear
photoeffect
for
exploratory
work
in
biophysics
.
At
first
he
thought
I
was
a
crackpot
,
but
after
I
pointed
out
the
flaws
in
his
article
in
the
New
Institute
Journal
he
kept
me
on
the
phone
for
nearly
an
hour
.
He
wants
me
to
come
to
the
Institute
to
discuss
my
ideas
with
his
group
.
I
might
take
him
up
on
it
after
I
ve
finished
my
work
at
the
lab
if
there
is
time
.
That
s
the
problem
,
of
course
.
I
don
t
know
how
much
time
I
have
.
A
month
?
A
year
?
The
rest
of
my
life
?
That
depends
on
what
I
find
out
about
the
psychophysical
side
-
effects
of
the
experiment
.
June
30
Отключить рекламу
I
ve
stopped
wandering
the
streets
now
that
I
have
Fay
.
I
ve
given
her
a
key
to
my
place
.
She
kids
me
about
my
locking
the
door
,
and
I
kid
her
about
the
mess
her
place
is
in
.
She
s
warned
me
not
to
try
to
change
her
.
Her
husband
divorced
her
five
years
ago
because
she
couldn
t
be
bothered
about
picking
things
up
and
taking
care
of
her
home
.
That
s
the
way
she
is
about
most
things
that
seem
unimportant
to
her
.
She
just
can
t
or
won
t
bother
.
The
other
day
I
discovered
a
stack
of
parking
tickets
in
a
corner
behind
a
chair
there
must
have
been
forty
or
fifty
of
them
.
When
she
came
in
with
the
beer
,
I
asked
her
why
she
was
collecting
them
.
"
Those
!
"
she
laughed
.
"
As
soon
as
my
ex
-
husband
sends
me
my
goddamned
check
,
I
ve
got
to
pay
some
of
them
.
You
have
no
idea
how
bad
I
feel
about
those
tickets
.
I
keep
them
behind
that
chair
because
otherwise
I
get
an
attack
of
guilt
feelings
every
time
I
see
them
.
But
what
is
a
girl
supposed
to
do
?
Everywhere
I
go
they
ve
got
signs
all
over
the
place
don
t
park
here
!
don
t
park
there
!
I
just
can
t
be
bothered
stopping
to
read
a
sign
every
time
I
want
to
get
out
of
the
car
.
"