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"
Portman
said
!
Portman
said
!
I
don
’
t
care
what
he
said
!
Think
of
what
it
will
be
like
for
her
to
have
a
brother
like
that
.
I
was
wrong
all
these
years
,
trying
to
believe
he
would
grow
up
like
other
children
.
I
admit
it
now
.
Better
for
him
to
be
put
away
.
"
"
Now
that
you
’
ve
got
her
,
you
’
ve
decided
you
don
’
t
want
him
any
more
.
.
.
.
"
"
Do
you
think
this
is
easy
?
Why
are
you
making
it
harder
for
me
?
All
these
years
everyone
telling
me
he
should
be
put
away
.
Well
,
they
were
right
.
Put
him
away
.
Maybe
at
the
Home
with
his
own
kind
he
’
ll
have
something
.
I
don
’
t
know
what
’
s
right
or
wrong
any
more
.
All
I
know
is
I
’
m
not
going
to
sacrifice
my
daughter
for
him
now
.
"
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And
though
Charlie
has
not
understood
what
passed
between
them
,
he
is
afraid
and
sinks
beneath
the
covers
,
eyes
open
,
trying
to
pierce
the
darkness
that
surrounds
him
.
As
I
see
him
now
,
he
is
not
really
afraid
,
just
with
­
drawing
,
as
a
bird
or
squirrel
backs
off
from
the
brusque
movements
of
the
feeder
—
involuntary
,
instinctive
.
The
light
through
that
door
ajar
comes
to
me
again
in
luminous
vision
.
Seeing
Charlie
huddled
beneath
the
covers
I
wish
I
could
give
him
comfort
,
explain
to
him
that
he
has
done
nothing
wrong
,
that
it
is
beyond
him
to
change
his
mother
’
s
attitude
back
to
what
it
was
before
his
sister
came
.
There
on
the
bed
,
Charlie
did
not
understand
what
they
were
saying
,
but
now
it
hurts
.
If
I
could
reach
out
into
the
past
of
my
memories
,
I
would
make
her
see
how
much
she
was
hurting
me
.
This
is
no
time
to
go
to
her
.
Not
until
I
’
ve
had
time
to
work
it
out
for
myself
.
Fortunately
,
as
a
precaution
,
I
withdrew
my
savings
from
the
bank
as
soon
as
I
arrived
in
New
York
Eight
hun
­
dred
and
eighty
-
six
dollars
won
’
t
last
long
,
but
it
will
give
me
time
to
get
my
bearings
.
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I
’
ve
checked
into
the
Camden
Hotel
on
4lst
Street
,
a
block
from
Times
Square
.
New
York
!
All
the
things
I
’
ve
read
about
it
!
Gotham
.
.
.
the
melting
pot
.
.
.
Baghdad
-
on
-
the
-
Hudson
.
City
of
light
and
color
.
Incredible
that
I
’
ve
lived
and
worked
all
my
life
just
a
few
stops
away
on
the
subway
and
been
to
Times
Square
only
once
—
with
Alice
.
It
’
s
hard
to
keep
from
calling
her
.
I
’
ve
started
and
stopped
myself
several
times
.
I
’
ve
got
to
keep
away
from
her
.
So
many
confusing
thoughts
to
get
down
.
I
tell
myself
that
as
long
as
I
keep
taping
my
progress
reports
,
nothing
will
be
lost
;
the
record
will
be
complete
.
Let
them
be
in
the
dark
for
a
while
;
I
was
in
the
dark
for
more
than
thirty
years
.
But
I
’
m
tired
now
.
Didn
’
t
get
to
sleep
on
the
plane
yesterday
,
and
I
can
’
t
keep
my
eyes
open
.
I
’
ll
pick
up
at
this
point
tomorrow
.