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451
It
was
now
that
I
began
sensibly
to
feel
how
much
more
happy
this
life
I
now
led
was
,
with
all
its
miserable
circumstances
,
than
the
wicked
,
cursed
,
abominable
life
I
led
all
the
past
part
of
my
days
.
And
now
I
changed
both
my
sorrows
and
my
joys
;
my
very
desires
altered
,
my
affections
changed
their
gusts
,
and
my
delights
were
perfectIy
new
from
what
they
were
at
my
first
coming
,
or
indeed
for
the
two
years
past
.
452
Before
,
as
I
walked
about
,
either
on
my
hunting
,
or
for
viewing
the
country
,
the
anguish
of
my
soul
at
my
condition
would
break
out
upon
me
on
a
sudden
,
and
my
very
heart
would
die
within
me
,
to
think
of
the
woods
,
the
mountains
,
the
deserts
I
was
in
,
and
how
I
was
a
prisoner
,
locked
up
with
the
eternal
bars
and
bolts
of
the
ocean
,
in
an
uninhibited
wilderness
,
without
redemption
.
In
the
midst
of
the
greatest
composures
of
my
mind
,
this
would
break
out
upon
me
like
a
storm
,
and
make
me
wring
my
hands
and
weep
like
a
child
.
Sometimes
it
would
take
me
in
the
middle
of
my
work
,
and
I
would
immediately
sit
down
and
sigh
,
and
look
upon
the
ground
for
an
hour
or
two
together
;
and
this
was
still
worse
to
me
,
for
if
I
could
burst
out
into
tears
,
or
vent
myself
by
words
,
it
would
go
off
,
and
the
grief
,
having
exhausted
itself
,
would
abate
.
453
But
now
I
began
to
exercise
myself
with
new
thoughts
.
I
daily
read
the
Word
of
God
,
and
applied
all
the
comforts
of
it
to
my
present
state
.
One
morning
,
being
very
sad
,
I
opened
the
Bible
upon
these
words
,
"
I
will
never
,
never
leave
thee
,
nor
forsake
thee
.
"
Immediately
it
occurred
that
these
words
were
to
me
;
why
else
should
they
be
directed
in
such
a
manner
,
just
at
the
moment
when
I
was
mourning
over
my
condition
,
as
one
forsake
of
God
and
man
?
"
Well
,
then
,
"
said
I
,
"
if
God
does
not
forsake
me
,
of
what
ill
consequence
can
it
be
,
or
what
matters
it
,
though
the
world
should
all
forsake
me
,
seeing
on
the
other
hand
,
if
I
had
all
the
world
,
and
should
lose
the
favor
and
blessing
of
God
,
there
would
be
no
comparison
in
the
loss
?
"
Отключить рекламу
454
From
this
moment
I
began
to
conclude
in
my
mind
that
it
was
possible
for
me
to
be
more
happy
in
this
forsaken
solitary
condition
,
that
it
was
probable
I
should
ever
have
been
in
any
other
particular
state
in
the
world
,
and
with
this
thought
I
was
going
to
give
thanks
to
God
for
bringing
me
to
this
place
.
455
I
know
not
what
it
was
,
but
something
shocked
my
mind
at
that
thought
,
and
I
durst
not
speak
the
words
.
"
How
canst
thou
be
such
a
hypocrite
,
"
said
I
,
even
audibly
,
"
to
pretend
to
be
thankful
for
a
condition
which
,
however
thou
mayest
endeavor
to
be
contented
with
,
thou
wouldest
rather
pray
heartily
to
be
delivered
from
?
"
So
I
stopped
there
;
but
though
I
could
not
say
I
thanked
God
for
being
there
,
yet
I
sincerely
gave
thanks
to
God
for
opening
my
eyes
,
by
whatever
afflicting
providences
,
to
see
the
former
condition
of
my
life
,
and
to
mourn
for
my
wickedness
,
and
repent
.
I
never
opened
the
Bible
,
or
shut
it
,
but
my
very
soul
within
me
blessed
God
for
directing
my
friend
in
England
,
without
any
order
of
mine
,
to
pack
it
up
among
my
goods
,
and
for
assisting
me
afterwards
to
save
it
out
of
the
wreck
of
the
ship
.
456
Thus
,
and
in
this
disposition
of
mind
,
I
began
my
third
year
;
and
though
I
have
not
given
the
reader
the
trouble
of
so
particular
account
of
my
works
this
year
as
the
first
,
yet
in
general
it
may
be
observed
,
that
I
was
very
seldom
idle
,
but
having
regularly
divided
my
time
,
according
to
the
several
daily
employments
that
were
before
me
,
such
as
,
first
my
duty
to
God
,
and
the
reading
the
Scriptures
,
which
I
constantly
set
apart
some
time
for
,
thrice
every
day
;
secondly
,
the
going
abroad
with
my
gun
for
food
,
which
generally
took
me
up
three
hours
in
every
morning
,
when
it
did
not
rain
;
thirdly
,
the
ordering
,
curing
,
preserving
,
and
cooking
what
I
had
killed
or
catched
for
my
supply
;
these
took
up
great
part
of
the
day
;
also
it
is
to
be
considered
that
the
middle
of
the
day
,
when
the
sun
was
in
the
zenith
,
the
violence
of
the
heat
was
too
great
to
stir
out
;
so
that
about
four
hours
in
the
evening
was
all
the
time
I
could
be
supposed
to
work
in
,
with
this
exception
,
that
sometimes
I
changed
my
hours
of
hunting
and
working
,
and
went
to
work
in
the
morning
,
and
abroad
with
my
gun
in
the
afternoon
.
457
To
this
short
time
allowed
for
labor
,
desire
may
be
added
the
exceeding
laboriousness
of
my
work
;
the
many
hours
which
,
for
want
of
tools
,
want
of
help
,
and
want
of
skill
,
everything
I
did
took
up
out
of
my
time
.
For
example
,
I
was
full
two
and
forty
days
making
me
a
board
for
a
long
shelf
,
which
I
wanted
in
my
cave
;
whereas
two
sawyers
,
with
their
tools
and
a
saw-pit
,
would
have
cut
six
of
them
out
of
the
same
tree
in
half
a
day
.
Отключить рекламу
458
My
case
was
this
:
it
was
to
be
a
large
tree
which
was
to
be
cut
down
,
because
my
board
was
to
be
a
broad
one
.
This
tree
I
was
three
days
a-cutting
down
,
and
two
more
cutting
off
the
boughs
,
and
reducing
it
to
a
log
,
or
piece
of
timber
.
459
With
inexpressible
hacking
and
hewing
,
I
reduced
both
sides
of
it
into
chips
till
it
begun
to
be
light
enough
to
move
;
then
I
turned
it
,
and
made
one
side
of
it
smooth
and
flat
as
a
board
from
end
to
end
;
then
turning
that
side
downward
,
cut
the
other
side
,
till
I
brought
the
plank
to
be
about
three
inches
thick
,
and
smooth
on
both
sides
.
Any
one
may
judge
the
labor
of
my
hands
in
such
a
piece
of
work
;
but
labor
and
patience
carried
me
through
that
,
and
many
other
things
.
I
only
observe
this
in
particular
,
to
show
the
reason
why
so
much
of
my
time
went
away
with
so
little
work
,
viz.
,
that
what
might
be
a
little
to
be
done
with
help
and
tools
,
was
a
vast
labor
,
and
required
a
prodigious
time
to
do
alone
,
and
by
hand
.
But
not
withstanding
this
,
with
patience
and
labor
,
I
went
through
many
things
,
and
,
indeed
,
everything
that
my
circumstances
made
necessary
to
me
to
do
,
as
will
appear
by
what
follows
.
460
I
was
now
,
in
the
months
of
November
and
December
,
expecting
my
crop
of
barley
and
rice
.
The
ground
I
had
manured
or
dug
up
for
them
was
not
great
;
for
as
I
observed
,
my
seed
of
each
was
not
above
the
quantity
of
half
a
peck
;
for
I
had
lost
one
whole
crop
by
sowing
in
the
dry
season
.
But
now
my
crop
promised
very
well
,
when
on
a
sudden
I
found
I
was
in
danger
of
losing
it
all
again
by
enemies
of
several
sorts
,
which
it
was
scarce
possible
to
keep
from
it
;
as
,
first
the
goats
and
wild
creatures
which
I
called
hares
,
who
,
tasting
the
sweetness
of
the
blade
,
lay
in
it
night
and
day
,
as
soon
as
it
came
up
,
and
eat
it
so
close
,
that
it
could
get
no
time
to
shoot
up
into
stalk
.