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Kidgerbury
—
the
oldest
inhabitant
of
Kentish
Town
,
I
believe
,
who
went
out
charing
,
but
was
too
feeble
to
execute
her
conceptions
of
that
art
—
we
found
another
treasure
,
who
was
one
of
the
most
amiable
of
women
,
but
who
generally
made
a
point
of
falling
either
up
or
down
the
kitchen
stairs
with
the
tray
,
and
almost
plunged
into
the
parlour
,
as
into
a
bath
,
with
the
tea
-
things
.
The
ravages
committed
by
this
unfortunate
,
rendering
her
dismissal
necessary
,
she
was
succeeded
(
with
intervals
of
Mrs
.
Kidgerbury
)
by
a
long
line
of
Incapables
;
terminating
in
a
young
person
of
genteel
appearance
,
who
went
to
Greenwich
Fair
in
Dora
’
s
bonnet
.
After
whom
I
remember
nothing
but
an
average
equality
of
failure
.
Everybody
we
had
anything
to
do
with
seemed
to
cheat
us
.
Our
appearance
in
a
shop
was
a
signal
for
the
damaged
goods
to
be
brought
out
immediately
.
If
we
bought
a
lobster
,
it
was
full
of
water
.
All
our
meat
turned
out
to
be
tough
,
and
there
was
hardly
any
crust
to
our
loaves
.
In
search
of
the
principle
on
which
joints
ought
to
be
roasted
,
to
be
roasted
enough
,
and
not
too
much
,
I
myself
referred
to
the
Cookery
Book
,
and
found
it
there
established
as
the
allowance
of
a
quarter
of
an
hour
to
every
pound
,
and
say
a
quarter
over
.
But
the
principle
always
failed
us
by
some
curious
fatality
,
and
we
never
could
hit
any
medium
between
redness
and
cinders
.
I
had
reason
to
believe
that
in
accomplishing
these
failures
we
incurred
a
far
greater
expense
than
if
we
had
achieved
a
series
of
triumphs
.
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It
appeared
to
me
,
on
looking
over
the
tradesmen
’
s
books
,
as
if
we
might
have
kept
the
basement
storey
paved
with
butter
,
such
was
the
extensive
scale
of
our
consumption
of
that
article
.
I
don
’
t
know
whether
the
Excise
returns
of
the
period
may
have
exhibited
any
increase
in
the
demand
for
pepper
;
but
if
our
performances
did
not
affect
the
market
,
I
should
say
several
families
must
have
left
off
using
it
.
And
the
most
wonderful
fact
of
all
was
,
that
we
never
had
anything
in
the
house
.
As
to
the
washerwoman
pawning
the
clothes
,
and
coming
in
a
state
of
penitent
intoxication
to
apologize
,
I
suppose
that
might
have
happened
several
times
to
anybody
.
Also
the
chimney
on
fire
,
the
parish
engine
,
and
perjury
on
the
part
of
the
Beadle
.
But
I
apprehend
that
we
were
personally
fortunate
in
engaging
a
servant
with
a
taste
for
cordials
,
who
swelled
our
running
account
for
porter
at
the
public
-
house
by
such
inexplicable
items
as
‘
quartern
rum
shrub
(
Mrs
.
C
.
)
’
;
‘
Half
-
quartern
gin
and
cloves
(
Mrs
.
C
.
)
’
;
‘
Glass
rum
and
peppermint
(
Mrs
.
C
.
)
’
—
the
parentheses
always
referring
to
Dora
,
who
was
supposed
,
it
appeared
on
explanation
,
to
have
imbibed
the
whole
of
these
refreshments
.
One
of
our
first
feats
in
the
housekeeping
way
was
a
little
dinner
to
Traddles
.
I
met
him
in
town
,
and
asked
him
to
walk
out
with
me
that
afternoon
.
He
readily
consenting
,
I
wrote
to
Dora
,
saying
I
would
bring
him
home
.
It
was
pleasant
weather
,
and
on
the
road
we
made
my
domestic
happiness
the
theme
of
conversation
.
Traddles
was
very
full
of
it
;
and
said
,
that
,
picturing
himself
with
such
a
home
,
and
Sophy
waiting
and
preparing
for
him
,
he
could
think
of
nothing
wanting
to
complete
his
bliss
.
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I
could
not
have
wished
for
a
prettier
little
wife
at
the
opposite
end
of
the
table
,
but
I
certainly
could
have
wished
,
when
we
sat
down
,
for
a
little
more
room
.
I
did
not
know
how
it
was
,
but
though
there
were
only
two
of
us
,
we
were
at
once
always
cramped
for
room
,
and
yet
had
always
room
enough
to
lose
everything
in
.
I
suspect
it
may
have
been
because
nothing
had
a
place
of
its
own
,
except
Jip
’
s
pagoda
,
which
invariably
blocked
up
the
main
thoroughfare
.
On
the
present
occasion
,
Traddles
was
so
hemmed
in
by
the
pagoda
and
the
guitar
-
case
,
and
Dora
’
s
flower
-
painting
,
and
my
writing
-
table
,
that
I
had
serious
doubts
of
the
possibility
of
his
using
his
knife
and
fork
;
but
he
protested
,
with
his
own
good
-
humour
,
‘
Oceans
of
room
,
Copperfield
!
I
assure
you
,
Oceans
!
’
There
was
another
thing
I
could
have
wished
,
namely
,
that
Jip
had
never
been
encouraged
to
walk
about
the
tablecloth
during
dinner
.
I
began
to
think
there
was
something
disorderly
in
his
being
there
at
all
,
even
if
he
had
not
been
in
the
habit
of
putting
his
foot
in
the
salt
or
the
melted
butter
.
On
this
occasion
he
seemed
to
think
he
was
introduced
expressly
to
keep
Traddles
at
bay
;
and
he
barked
at
my
old
friend
,
and
made
short
runs
at
his
plate
,
with
such
undaunted
pertinacity
,
that
he
may
be
said
to
have
engrossed
the
conversation
.
However
,
as
I
knew
how
tender
-
hearted
my
dear
Dora
was
,
and
how
sensitive
she
would
be
to
any
slight
upon
her
favourite
,
I
hinted
no
objection
.
For
similar
reasons
I
made
no
allusion
to
the
skirmishing
plates
upon
the
floor
;
or
to
the
disreputable
appearance
of
the
castors
,
which
were
all
at
sixes
and
sevens
,
and
looked
drunk
;
or
to
the
further
blockade
of
Traddles
by
wandering
vegetable
dishes
and
jugs
.
I
could
not
help
wondering
in
my
own
mind
,
as
I
contemplated
the
boiled
leg
of
mutton
before
me
,
previous
to
carving
it
,
how
it
came
to
pass
that
our
joints
of
meat
were
of
such
extraordinary
shapes
—
and
whether
our
butcher
contracted
for
all
the
deformed
sheep
that
came
into
the
world
;
but
I
kept
my
reflections
to
myself
.