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I
submitted
;
and
,
with
a
countenance
as
expressive
as
I
was
able
to
make
it
of
dejected
and
despairing
constancy
,
came
out
of
the
room
.
Miss
Murdstone
’
s
heavy
eyebrows
followed
me
to
the
door
—
I
say
her
eyebrows
rather
than
her
eyes
,
because
they
were
much
more
important
in
her
face
—
and
she
looked
so
exactly
as
she
used
to
look
,
at
about
that
hour
of
the
morning
,
in
our
parlour
at
Blunderstone
,
that
I
could
have
fancied
I
had
been
breaking
down
in
my
lessons
again
,
and
that
the
dead
weight
on
my
mind
was
that
horrible
old
spelling
-
book
,
with
oval
woodcuts
,
shaped
,
to
my
youthful
fancy
,
like
the
glasses
out
of
spectacles
.
When
I
got
to
the
office
,
and
,
shutting
out
old
Tiffey
and
the
rest
of
them
with
my
hands
,
sat
at
my
desk
,
in
my
own
particular
nook
,
thinking
of
this
earthquake
that
had
taken
place
so
unexpectedly
,
and
in
the
bitterness
of
my
spirit
cursing
Jip
,
I
fell
into
such
a
state
of
torment
about
Dora
,
that
I
wonder
I
did
not
take
up
my
hat
and
rush
insanely
to
Norwood
.
The
idea
of
their
frightening
her
,
and
making
her
cry
,
and
of
my
not
being
there
to
comfort
her
,
was
so
excruciating
,
that
it
impelled
me
to
write
a
wild
letter
to
Mr
.
Spenlow
,
beseeching
him
not
to
visit
upon
her
the
consequences
of
my
awful
destiny
.
I
implored
him
to
spare
her
gentle
nature
—
not
to
crush
a
fragile
flower
—
and
addressed
him
generally
,
to
the
best
of
my
remembrance
,
as
if
,
instead
of
being
her
father
,
he
had
been
an
Ogre
,
or
the
Dragon
of
Wantley
.
3
This
letter
I
sealed
and
laid
upon
his
desk
before
he
returned
;
and
when
he
came
in
,
I
saw
him
,
through
the
half
-
opened
door
of
his
room
,
take
it
up
and
read
it
.
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He
said
nothing
about
it
all
the
morning
;
but
before
he
went
away
in
the
afternoon
he
called
me
in
,
and
told
me
that
I
need
not
make
myself
at
all
uneasy
about
his
daughter
’
s
happiness
.
He
had
assured
her
,
he
said
,
that
it
was
all
nonsense
;
and
he
had
nothing
more
to
say
to
her
.
He
believed
he
was
an
indulgent
father
(
as
indeed
he
was
)
,
and
I
might
spare
myself
any
solicitude
on
her
account
.
‘
You
may
make
it
necessary
,
if
you
are
foolish
or
obstinate
,
Mr
.
Copperfield
,
’
he
observed
,
‘
for
me
to
send
my
daughter
abroad
again
,
for
a
term
;
but
I
have
a
better
opinion
of
you
.
I
hope
you
will
be
wiser
than
that
,
in
a
few
days
.
As
to
Miss
Murdstone
,
’
for
I
had
alluded
to
her
in
the
letter
,
‘
I
respect
that
lady
’
s
vigilance
,
and
feel
obliged
to
her
;
but
she
has
strict
charge
to
avoid
the
subject
.
All
I
desire
,
Mr
.
Copperfield
,
is
,
that
it
should
be
forgotten
.
All
you
have
got
to
do
,
Mr
.
Copperfield
,
is
to
forget
it
.
’
All
!
In
the
note
I
wrote
to
Miss
Mills
,
I
bitterly
quoted
this
sentiment
.
All
I
had
to
do
,
I
said
,
with
gloomy
sarcasm
,
was
to
forget
Dora
.
That
was
all
,
and
what
was
that
!
I
entreated
Miss
Mills
to
see
me
,
that
evening
.
If
it
could
not
be
done
with
Mr
.
Mills
’
s
sanction
and
concurrence
,
I
besought
a
clandestine
interview
in
the
back
kitchen
where
the
Mangle
was
.
I
informed
her
that
my
reason
was
tottering
on
its
throne
,
and
only
she
,
Miss
Mills
,
could
prevent
its
being
deposed
.
I
signed
myself
,
hers
distractedly
;
and
I
couldn
’
t
help
feeling
,
while
I
read
this
composition
over
,
before
sending
it
by
a
porter
,
that
it
was
something
in
the
style
of
Mr
.
Micawber
.
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However
,
I
sent
it
.
At
night
I
repaired
to
Miss
Mills
’
s
street
,
and
walked
up
and
down
,
until
I
was
stealthily
fetched
in
by
Miss
Mills
’
s
maid
,
and
taken
the
area
way
to
the
back
kitchen
.
I
have
since
seen
reason
to
believe
that
there
was
nothing
on
earth
to
prevent
my
going
in
at
the
front
door
,
and
being
shown
up
into
the
drawing
-
room
,
except
Miss
Mills
’
s
love
of
the
romantic
and
mysterious
.
In
the
back
kitchen
,
I
raved
as
became
me
.
I
went
there
,
I
suppose
,
to
make
a
fool
of
myself
,
and
I
am
quite
sure
I
did
it
.
Miss
Mills
had
received
a
hasty
note
from
Dora
,
telling
her
that
all
was
discovered
,
and
saying
.
‘
Oh
pray
come
to
me
,
Julia
,
do
,
do
!
’
But
Miss
Mills
,
mistrusting
the
acceptability
of
her
presence
to
the
higher
powers
,
had
not
yet
gone
;
and
we
were
all
benighted
in
the
Desert
of
Sahara
.
Miss
Mills
had
a
wonderful
flow
of
words
,
and
liked
to
pour
them
out
.
I
could
not
help
feeling
,
though
she
mingled
her
tears
with
mine
,
that
she
had
a
dreadful
luxury
in
our
afflictions
.
She
petted
them
,
as
I
may
say
,
and
made
the
most
of
them
.
A
deep
gulf
,
she
observed
,
had
opened
between
Dora
and
me
,
and
Love
could
only
span
it
with
its
rainbow
.
Love
must
suffer
in
this
stern
world
;
it
ever
had
been
so
,
it
ever
would
be
so
.
No
matter
,
Miss
Mills
remarked
.
Hearts
confined
by
cobwebs
would
burst
at
last
,
and
then
Love
was
avenged
.