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- Чарльз Диккенс
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- Дэвид Копперфильд
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- Стр. 353/820
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I
thought
,
between
sleeping
and
waking
,
that
it
was
still
red
hot
,
and
I
had
snatched
it
out
of
the
fire
,
and
run
him
through
the
body
.
I
was
so
haunted
at
last
by
the
idea
,
though
I
knew
there
was
nothing
in
it
,
that
I
stole
into
the
next
room
to
look
at
him
.
There
I
saw
him
,
lying
on
his
back
,
with
his
legs
extending
to
I
don
’
t
know
where
,
gurglings
taking
place
in
his
throat
,
stoppages
in
his
nose
,
and
his
mouth
open
like
a
post
-
office
.
He
was
so
much
worse
in
reality
than
in
my
distempered
fancy
,
that
afterwards
I
was
attracted
to
him
in
very
repulsion
,
and
could
not
help
wandering
in
and
out
every
half
-
hour
or
so
,
and
taking
another
look
at
him
.
Still
,
the
long
,
long
night
seemed
heavy
and
hopeless
as
ever
,
and
no
promise
of
day
was
in
the
murky
sky
.
When
I
saw
him
going
downstairs
early
in
the
morning
(
for
,
thank
Heaven
!
he
would
not
stay
to
breakfast
)
,
it
appeared
to
me
as
if
the
night
was
going
away
in
his
person
.
When
I
went
out
to
the
Commons
,
I
charged
Mrs
.
Crupp
with
particular
directions
to
leave
the
windows
open
,
that
my
sitting
-
room
might
be
aired
,
and
purged
of
his
presence
.
Isaw
no
more
of
Uriah
Heep
,
until
the
day
when
Agnes
left
town
.
I
was
at
the
coach
office
to
take
leave
of
her
and
see
her
go
;
and
there
was
he
,
returning
to
Canterbury
by
the
same
conveyance
.
It
was
some
small
satisfaction
to
me
to
observe
his
spare
,
short
-
waisted
,
high
-
shouldered
,
mulberry
-
coloured
great
-
coat
perched
up
,
in
company
with
an
umbrella
like
a
small
tent
,
on
the
edge
of
the
back
seat
on
the
roof
,
while
Agnes
was
,
of
course
,
inside
;
but
what
I
underwent
in
my
efforts
to
be
friendly
with
him
,
while
Agnes
looked
on
,
perhaps
deserved
that
little
recompense
.
At
the
coach
window
,
as
at
the
dinner
-
party
,
he
hovered
about
us
without
a
moment
’
s
intermission
,
like
a
great
vulture
:
gorging
himself
on
every
syllable
that
I
said
to
Agnes
,
or
Agnes
said
to
me
.
In
the
state
of
trouble
into
which
his
disclosure
by
my
fire
had
thrown
me
,
I
had
thought
very
much
of
the
words
Agnes
had
used
in
reference
to
the
partnership
.
‘
I
did
what
I
hope
was
right
.
Feeling
sure
that
it
was
necessary
for
papa
’
s
peace
that
the
sacrifice
should
be
made
,
I
entreated
him
to
make
it
.
’
A
miserable
foreboding
that
she
would
yield
to
,
and
sustain
herself
by
,
the
same
feeling
in
reference
to
any
sacrifice
for
his
sake
,
had
oppressed
me
ever
since
.
I
knew
how
she
loved
him
.
I
knew
what
the
devotion
of
her
nature
was
.
I
knew
from
her
own
lips
that
she
regarded
herself
as
the
innocent
cause
of
his
errors
,
and
as
owing
him
a
great
debt
she
ardently
desired
to
pay
.
I
had
no
consolation
in
seeing
how
different
she
was
from
this
detestable
Rufus
with
the
mulberry
-
coloured
great
-
coat
,
for
I
felt
that
in
the
very
difference
between
them
,
in
the
self
-
denial
of
her
pure
soul
and
the
sordid
baseness
of
his
,
the
greatest
danger
lay
.
All
this
,
doubtless
,
he
knew
thoroughly
,
and
had
,
in
his
cunning
,
considered
well
.
Yet
I
was
so
certain
that
the
prospect
of
such
a
sacrifice
afar
off
,
must
destroy
the
happiness
of
Agnes
;
and
I
was
so
sure
,
from
her
manner
,
of
its
being
unseen
by
her
then
,
and
having
cast
no
shadow
on
her
yet
;
that
I
could
as
soon
have
injured
her
,
as
given
her
any
warning
of
what
impended
.
Thus
it
was
that
we
parted
without
explanation
:
she
waving
her
hand
and
smiling
farewell
from
the
coach
window
;
her
evil
genius
writhing
on
the
roof
,
as
if
he
had
her
in
his
clutches
and
triumphed
.
I
could
not
get
over
this
farewell
glimpse
of
them
for
a
long
time
.
When
Agnes
wrote
to
tell
me
of
her
safe
arrival
,
I
was
as
miserable
as
when
I
saw
her
going
away
.
Whenever
I
fell
into
a
thoughtful
state
,
this
subject
was
sure
to
present
itself
,
and
all
my
uneasiness
was
sure
to
be
redoubled
.
Hardly
a
night
passed
without
my
dreaming
of
it
.
It
became
a
part
of
my
life
,
and
as
inseparable
from
my
life
as
my
own
head
.
I
had
ample
leisure
to
refine
upon
my
uneasiness
:
for
Steerforth
was
at
Oxford
,
as
he
wrote
to
me
,
and
when
I
was
not
at
the
Commons
,
I
was
very
much
alone
.
I
believe
I
had
at
this
time
some
lurking
distrust
of
Steerforth
.
I
wrote
to
him
most
affectionately
in
reply
to
his
,
but
I
think
I
was
glad
,
upon
the
whole
,
that
he
could
not
come
to
London
just
then
.
I
suspect
the
truth
to
be
,
that
the
influence
of
Agnes
was
upon
me
,
undisturbed
by
the
sight
of
him
;
and
that
it
was
the
more
powerful
with
me
,
because
she
had
so
large
a
share
in
my
thoughts
and
interest
.
In
the
meantime
,
days
and
weeks
slipped
away
.
I
was
articled
to
Spenlow
and
Jorkins
.
I
had
ninety
pounds
a
year
(
exclusive
of
my
house
-
rent
and
sundry
collateral
matters
)
from
my
aunt
.
My
rooms
were
engaged
for
twelve
months
certain
:
and
though
I
still
found
them
dreary
of
an
evening
,
and
the
evenings
long
,
I
could
settle
down
into
a
state
of
equable
low
spirits
,
and
resign
myself
to
coffee
;
which
I
seem
,
on
looking
back
,
to
have
taken
by
the
gallon
at
about
this
period
of
my
existence
.
At
about
this
time
,
too
,
I
made
three
discoveries
:
first
,
that
Mrs
.
Crupp
was
a
martyr
to
a
curious
disorder
called
‘
the
spazzums
’
,
which
was
generally
accompanied
with
inflammation
of
the
nose
,
and
required
to
be
constantly
treated
with
peppermint
;
secondly
,
that
something
peculiar
in
the
temperature
of
my
pantry
,
made
the
brandy
-
bottles
burst
;
thirdly
,
that
I
was
alone
in
the
world
,
and
much
given
to
record
that
circumstance
in
fragments
of
English
versification
.
