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"
I
haven
’
t
come
through
it
yet
,
"
I
said
.
I
felt
like
a
tightrope
walker
halfway
across
Niagara
Falls
.
It
was
a
miracle
I
’
d
made
it
as
far
as
I
had
.
But
that
didn
’
t
mean
I
was
home
and
dry
.
Still
,
Greta
was
right
.
There
was
hope
.
I
’
d
felt
no
crushing
spasms
of
grief
over
Katerina
’
s
death
,
or
enforced
absence
,
or
however
you
wanted
to
put
it
.
All
I
felt
was
a
bittersweet
regret
,
the
way
one
might
feel
about
a
broken
heirloom
or
long
-
lost
pet
.
I
felt
no
animosity
toward
Katerina
,
and
I
was
sorry
that
I
would
never
see
her
again
.
But
I
was
sorry
about
not
seeing
a
lot
of
things
.
Maybe
it
would
become
worse
in
the
days
ahead
.
Maybe
I
was
just
postponing
a
breakdown
.
I
didn
’
t
think
so
.
In
the
meantime
,
I
continued
trying
to
find
a
way
to
deal
with
Suzy
.
She
had
become
a
puzzle
that
I
couldn
’
t
leave
unsolved
.
I
could
have
just
woken
her
up
and
let
her
deal
with
the
news
as
best
as
she
could
,
but
that
seemed
cruel
and
unsatisfactory
.
Greta
had
broken
it
to
me
gently
,
giving
me
time
to
settle
into
my
new
surroundings
and
take
that
necessary
step
away
from
Katerina
.
When
she
finally
broke
the
news
,
as
shocking
as
it
was
,
it
didn
’
t
shatter
me
.
I
’
d
already
been
primed
for
it
,
the
sting
taken
out
of
the
surprise
.
Sleeping
with
Greta
obviously
helped
.
I
couldn
’
t
offer
Suzy
the
same
solace
,
but
I
was
sure
that
there
was
a
way
for
us
to
coax
Suzy
to
the
same
state
of
near
-
acceptance
.
Time
after
time
we
woke
her
and
tried
a
different
approach
.
Greta
said
there
was
a
window
of
a
few
minutes
before
the
events
she
was
experiencing
began
to
transfer
into
long
-
term
memory
.
If
we
knocked
her
out
,
the
buffer
of
memories
in
short
-
term
storage
was
wiped
before
it
ever
crossed
the
hippocampus
into
long
-
term
recall
.
Within
that
window
,
we
could
wake
her
up
as
many
times
as
we
liked
,
trying
endless
permutations
of
the
revival
scenario
.
At
least
that
was
what
Greta
told
me
.
"
We
can
’
t
keep
doing
this
indefinitely
,
"
I
said
.
"
Why
not
?
"
"
Isn
’
t
she
going
to
remember
something
?
"
